Recollecting the week
January 26, 2020 12:58 PM After successfully making all Monday classes, Missed the Tuesday class because I couldn't get ready in time. Missed the Wednesday 9:30 class, then deliberately stayed away from the 10:30 class because it was hopeless. Just didn't feel like it. Stacy called on Wednesday around 11am and just kept talking. In [..more..]
Last Sunday of January
January 26, 2020 12:40 PM I don't know how I feel I was extremely late to church. Ironically, I got up early (9:30), ate. My sisters left but I couldn't push myself to take my bath and dress up quickly. Sometimes, while dressing up, I get confused and not know what to pick up next [..more..]
Monday of first attended ESSE 2012 class
Monday, January 20, 2020 12:26 Today, was able to get up early after sleeping at around 1am with the lights on and setting an alarm. Still got to ESSE 2012 late. But a progress from not attending altogether. I couldn't follow much of the class. For MATH 2271, couldn't follow the teacher's explanation either. The [..more..]
Distress on Wednesday
January 15, 2020 12:07 PM Done with classes by 11:20 I had enough time to see an academic advisor about a petition to withdraw from the PHYS 2020 course late. Well, I couldn't. Because after walking around the campus and thinking about what I'll say to the advisor, I realised that I had no exceptional [..more..]
SSC Just rand
—Random— Monday, 15 July 2019 13:57 Apparently my beliefs can't unite with my family. After they keep pushing some outdated opinions of fashion and gender norms on me and my siblings. [Still angry that Chimdinma was stopped by them from taking carpentry because they felt girls shouldn't do carpentry. Even when she qualified for the [..more..]
At home unexpectedly
Wednesday, 10 July 2019 14:47 I was supposed to go to my dad's office today for the usual forced library studying. But for some reason, it was cancelled. So, I'm staying home and trying to study. I'm having difficulty studying. Could read the novel, "Love" for 2 hours, but can't study Meteorology. What's wrong with [..more..]
Charlie
I want you to slide your hand down my wet soap covered body Look at the pleasure and excitement on my face as you make your way between my legs I want you in me To fall asleep on you in a sweaty mass of love I want to smell your smell To feel safe [..more..]
It’s a start and I made it through
I started getting actual help today. Birth control out✓ Councilor referral✓ Now I need to look up therapist and get help I hated talking to these people today. They made me feel vulnerable and I just wanted to cry. They were looking at me all sympathetically. It makes me not want to continue. This is [..more..]
In the moment
Tomorrow will be my 7th wedding anniversary. 7 years of mostly hell. Right now, me and my 3 year old son sleeping in guest bedroom upstairs. I have chronic anxiety and panic disorder. I have anxieties mostly at night but controllable. I am on meds but now I'm left with 2 pills of Xanax..i basically [..more..]
If you’d ask
I would still lay beside you in your small bed, in your mom and dad's home, in the country, in that s*** town, in Florida. Until the day I passed.