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Posted by on 2020/01/22 under Life

I wish he would just cheat. That way I could be angry and leave. Maybe that would also hurt less then him not wanting to touch me or be intimate with me.
There are no hug's or kisses, there's no flirting, no sign of affection, not even in bed next to him do our arms brush against one another's.
I can't go financially. I don't want to use someone to remove myself from my situation. I know there are women that jump from man to man to stay afloat. I am not one of those.
If I leave I will destroy my children. My boys would forever be mentally f***ed from the separation of everything they know. I'm sure they would get over it a little but I myself know what it's like to be from a broken home.
I just can't bring myself to walk away. It's selfish and I could just learn to live without. I have made it this far and I guess I will be alright.
I just get so angry thinking how I am wasting my youth. My looks will soon fade, hell I might put on some weight, I'll be an middle aged chubby woman stuck in an unaffectionate relationship. No one knows or will ever see. I don't talk to anyone I know about anything personal. They don't ask me anyway and if they did I wouldn't give them the pleasure of knowing.
So, here I'll stay to just ride out this life. Truly at this point my children are the only ones that matter. I will break the cycle of selfishness for my parents could not. I will try to be happy in my mind and continue to fulfill my job of being a mom and good wife.

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