Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2023/01/11 under Life

These thoughts really started at school, the hottest girl a year older, the tallest boy in my year seemed to be dating, he didnt exactly date her,they just kissed and he was touching her bum and breasts all night at the local disco.I was shocked and could not get it out of my head, images of them all over eachother in this rabid frenzy of teenage sexuality.I wished i was the guy,i dreamed i was the guy,i imagined i was him so much that i stopped thinking about me,and i kinda went into a shell,like a kind of depersonalisation.I started masturbating about it,thinking i had his body,his height,his looks,and that i was with her,but as him,not as myself,it was a very strange thing to think about,but i just went with it.It was though i was incapable of pleasuring her so if i imagined i was him doing it,then id be pleasuring her.Then i heard of another guy who was getting some other very beautiful women and i started to imagine and think about if only i was him too,and what would i do.These two hot shots were making out with the hottest girls in the area,and these girls grew up to be women who were still chasing these tall hotshots who turned into men.Nothing ever changed,we all just got older.It just seemed like those early school days molded me,molded me to wish i was someone else,so badly that i even imagined their genitals instead of my own going into them.This was before i ever found a healthy partner or love,i had no idea about love,i just thought it was sex and that equaled love.Like it was the luck of the draw or something,that the lucky ones who have the right height or confidence or coolness seem to get the girls and everyone else gets nothing.It seemed a horrid black and white world for most of us,in my opinion.
I was so into this woman online her name was Erin from california, we spoke at least 5 hours per day on instant messenger,she was everything i ever wanted in a woman,we spoke at least 8 hours per day a few times,she was in the middle of a divorce and very down,I helped her up,and she said she wanted to be with me,come to the uk to meet,we had many things in common,apart from our sex lives,and it was strange that everyone of her ex`s were llike 6 ft 4 in height and me a mere shrimpy 5 ft 7 i started to wonder if she liked my height,and she said of course she loves me blah blah blah,she would tell me of her 3 day love affairs with these tall men,who had amazing teeth and perfect bodies,and how one guy said to her,he bet her lipstick would come off when he kissed her,and she said no it wont,they kissed and she was right it did not come off,they ended up going upstairs in a lift hands all over eachother and ending up in bed for 3 entire days,they had so much sex they ran out of condoms,she said his penis was the biggest she had ever seen in her life she was afraid of it it was so giantic,though it didnt seem to be a problem,as she was in bed with it for 3 whole days,she told me if we ever met she would be wearing shades,um covering her eyes,anyway she said she wanted me to make her pregnant and we spoke about having kids,and then she disappeared and started dating some guy the day after she was divorced,and i was left all alone,i was drinking whiskey and taking pills,i took a few too many over this online so called love.I managed to be ok,just very depressed over it all,it felt so real to me,i really liked her,i saw our future together and i was just a guy for her to waste time with,i started to not trust these in between marriage, im getting divorced women,they seemed to be full of utter crap,and as soon as they are divorced they just open their legs for anyone,well anyone who is 6 ft 4 and has a giantic penis,and yes guess who she ended up with and got preggo by,yeah a 6 ft 4 giant and not moi, oh so predictable.we kinda ended amiciable i said good luck to her,and she said goodbye and she hopes i battle on,because im so pathetic with my whiskey and pill thing,never mind she skull f***ed me for almost 6 months.
Another woman i used to know was snapped up by a big muscular bald guy,she bragged he had veins over his arms and hands where he worked out so much.When he kissed her she felt all tingley,he is an ex of one of her very beautiful friends,she told her he is ten inches long.
She couldnt wait to get in bed with him,his touch feels incredible,he got it all,and he is a really confident guy.She always dated tall good looking people,i once asked her if out of a short guy medium guy and a tall guy who would get the first chance of being with her and she said the tall guy gets her first always.It made me feel like s*** that id never be with her,and i could only watch and wish i was one of these tall big guys,who were her preference,it was a constant drag and totally down,nothing i could do but feel so insignificantly tiny.I started making up stories in my head about other women not wanting me because im short,i made up a pet name for myself,shrimp.I was completely conquered by this woman,and whenever a new woman came along,id think she would also want a massive tall muscular giant.
why wasnt i meeting decent loving women? why didnt anyone want me? was i too sexual? did i objectify women too much?was i incapable of love?so many questions seeped through my mind.did i watch too much porn? did i masturbate too much? nothing made sense? was i too ugly? was i too handsome?
id watch pornos and research the female pornstars and at least 99% of them loved tall men,i never knew women were so shallow and heighest it was driving me insane,i was searching for it everywhere and finding it.yet even when i wasnt searching i was finding it.I never knew women were so primitive and obsessed with finding the bigger cavemen in this modern era,it made no sense at all.I will struggle on but firstly will go back to the past of another near miss with the opposite sex.A few years ago i was in a tacky Essex nightclub paid Sixteen quid drink all you want.I saw a very hot woman in a tight red dress,high heels.posterior to crawl up inside and live forever.She was out of my scope and everytime i looked over from my JD and coke she made me tingle down there.No balls to speak to her so just chilled with friends,kept drinking into oblivion woke up could not remember what happened.Looked at my phone there was a girls number.Huh i spoke to a girl?.called in my hangover it was only the red dress sexy superhot delicious woman who id chop off my left arm just for a peck on the cheek.She remembered me as i was the only guy to ask for her number.Totally oblivious i was on another planet at the time.All was good she wanted to meet for drinks then on to a friends house party.Excited and euphoric i spent about two hours singing in the shower scrubbing myself with lynx and radox coconut shower gel and pomegranate intense musk. Later I had a few drinks to calm my nerves we finally met she was in heels black tiny dress very busty chest,im glad we were in a dark club because i went bright red as a tomato and didnt know where to look.She was pleasant,brown hair,sexy hypnotic blue eyes,she had a sharon stone basic insinct look on her lightly tanned face.She worked in beauty.We danced and she told me she is so sleeping with me tonight,felt electric red orange and yellow fiery tingles pulsating all over my excited body.She knew how to drive a man wild alright.We got a taxi to the house party.We had a game of twister i felt her looking at me like i was a tasty red grape she was soon to devour.We never kissed or touched yet,saving it for the bed i guess.Then only five of us left,a couple who were really into eachother,bald guy and a blonde lady and the other was some tall gormless looking guy,who didnt seem to know his arse from his elbow.Then there were three,me and a busty sharon stone who i was about to have amazing mindblowing sex with and gormless who was staring at her.She was telling him her life story the little black dress so far up her sexy tanned thighs,chesty cleavage all about to explode out into a beautiful rainbow in a lush comfy double bed soon.I went to the toilet chuckling about gorm mesmerized by her,he stared with his mouth open at times,.As soon as i got in the lav,i could hear kissing noises.That couple who went to bed earlier were going at it like maniacs.It stopped,i had a quick two minute wash even though i was still very clean,came out and saw the woman of my dreams walk fast towards me smiled at me for half a second making me tingle, lovely perfume,this is it,its happening.She took me to the white bedroom that had intense deep red covers that screamed sexy love.I jumped on the bed like an excited child before christmas,She told me she would be back in ten minutes,she wanted to brush up too,she left like the chip pan was on fire,gone in seconds.I took off my clothes got under the hot warm red covers waited,imagined her changing into stockings,suspenders,suspender bent,basque,maybe?i was starting to foam at the mouth,Ten minutes must have gone,cant wait to kiss her lovely lips.two am now ten thirty am did she fall down the toilet?maybe she bumped into that couple and is having chats,or gorm in the other room?fell asleep on the sofa?she couldnt wait to get me in that bedroom,took me there like a cold estate agent.Gorm vanished to bed during my three minute toilet break?Strange the kissing noises,was she kissing gorm?i remember images of gorms large hands on hers as she was telling him her life story.His deep voice,her staring at him,she even poked her tongue out at him,No! they must be together.I slowly climbed out of bed into the dark front room,then to a bedroom next door,many noises,moans,groans.I tell you gorm didnt know his arse from his elbow but he was learning all about sharon stones.
So again the tall man got the girl,when i was so close a near miss.All i needed was confidence,and height.
I was on the bus the other day and i saw a woman who had a look of slight despondence behind her black shades, sitting two seats infront of me on the top deck of a first bus.She had an arabic tattoo on the back of her tanned neck and two in roman numerals.
Medium dark brown hair up, ear rings high up at the top of her ears, few age lines on the back of her neck. sexy looking. she had a jean skirt on, a bra lace strap just below her neck to the middle.rings on both middle fingers,i couldnt remember the marriage finger,and told myself she is definately married for a good two minutes in my mind and i must forget her,which was a release. From being so obsessed with her. Her skin not perfect but it made her more real to me.
I started feeling aroused imagining my pelvis thrusting into her, how im so close to her on this empty bus ,she seemed unafraid, maybe she likes me,noticed me,wants me,oh f*** i wish i could just,oh i better stop these thoughts and think of dead animals or human rotted flesh.
to stop myself being so aroused. For a moment i felt sad,knowing i have no balls to approach or ask her out,Feeling less of a man, i press the button to get off my stop,and walk slowly past her,noticing the sides of her pretty thighs she turns ever so slightly, looking outside,i get off,and walk down the road,i see the bus pass me and see her stand up,to get off at the stop just after mine,i look out into the distance to see which direction she went, if she is coming towards me.
Another near miss,another failure,Some guys are born natural charmers and others are born natural failures.Im trying to think of any success stories i ever had with women and i cannot think of one,even an old friends female friend,who he helped manage to set up a date with,was going good until some tall arrogant hot shot guy full of confidence came up and grabbed her arse in a nightclub and she screamed,he was with her the week before apparently,and they were all over eachother,during my date with her! Or the double date i went on with my so called gym friend,who was at least 6 ft 2 ,we met two pretty blonde women and they both wanted him,we all went back to one of their houses and i was alone on the sofa as he banged both of the pretty women in a bedroom.In the morning he was still throwing them around the bedroom,they were walking around in black underwear and looked incredible during breakfast and he lifted one of them up and back to bed for another session.It was just much easier to become a voyeur and an observer in life,to not participate exactly but to just be a watcher.I was starting to enjoy it,it became the norm for me.It got to the point where even if i did get a date,id rather sabotage it and imagine someone else with her on that date,as that seemed to get me of more.I knew i had a problem and needed to reconfigure my mind somehow.

Leave a Reply

Name and Mail are optional. Your email address is however required if you want to subscribe to the comments (see below)

This site uses User Verification plugin to reduce spam. See how your comment data is processed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.