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Posted by on 2021/07/18 under Life

i know it’s not really the place to write but lately I been really depressed and I have no one to share this with so imma post it here. Lately I been having father issues or what us gen z calls it daddy issues my father is an alcoholic manipulative person he always wants every thing to go his way and there’s nothing to do to stop him. I recently got my money from the government me and my siblings it’s 10.000 for alll of us and my father is only giving us $300 each which is basically saying he’s getting the rest of the $8,800 and he said he was gonna fix our house since our house is old and needs to be renovated immediately but he said that last time when he didn’t even give us a cent of the money they sent and that was $8000 last time and now he wants to take our money AGAIN!? And at this point i don’t even know if he’s using it to renovate the house because the house looks exactly the same or if he’s just spending it on alcohol so he can become abusive again. sorry this is long but I have more…..
Believe or not I like being positive because all these years my life has been negative and it still is so when I comes to my sisters I want them to feel safe and with a lot of positivity today I was told by both of the twins that I was boring it really hurt me because I just wanted to tell something funny but they just had to comment something negative about my positivity. I was hella rude especially when I’m talking to them they talk to each other in front of me and tell me that I’m boring they I try to laugh it off but it really hits me because they do it all the time at the point where it starts to hurt even more and there’s a time where we share our story but when it’s my turn they don’t even listen. At this point I just want to end it all I don’t even know why I’m still trying be positive I’m feel like I’m just a ducking burden to everyone and I should just die. I’m not happy anymore I always have to fake my smile I always have mental breakdown’s and I just try not to cry in front of people that way no one notices the pain I have deeply inside there’s not a day that goes by that I think of killing myself anyway if you’re still reading till this point thank you I appreciate you and now that I wrote everything down I feel little better I may be needing therapy in the future but right now this is my therapy.

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