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Posted by on 2021/01/14 under Life

All throughout my teenage years I couldn't understand why whenever I took pictures of myself they came out so… Wrong? There just wasn't something write about them. My face looked way different than what I was used to seeing in the mirror everyday. After many years I have come to a realisation that the mirror me who is pretty is what I have made myself believe is pretty. In truth, my face is ugly and asymmetrical. If one can find beauty in it congratulations to them. The flaw in my face is too big not to be noticed. Now I have dealt with the worst of acne during adolescence where my whole face was covered with pimples. But acne is always momentary. My face structure isn't. You see, I have a lopsided face on one side, almost like I was born on a hot sunny day where half of my face dropped like melting ice cream. The other half is angular and pretty but the imaginary line down the middle of my face provides a perfect comparison of both halves. It's almost like half of my face is paralyzed but it isn't.

I am annoyed to admit that I feel apologetic to all those ppl who had the misfortune to see me for who I really am. The world in the mirror didn't illuminate my ugly side. I chose to brush it off over the years. To love in blissful ignorance that I actually am conventionally pretty. All that time thinking what a catch I am seems embarrassing. Like clearly nobody ever thought me pretty to have a crush on becuz I looked so unsightly.

I hate this rant of self hate. I don't plan to start hating myself. That phase of my life is over. I'm just annoyed that now I will have to live with the knowledge that I actually first appear ugly to people. My face is the foreshadowing they may or may not realise. I don't plan to ever get in a relationship now. I probably won't ever get into the situation anyway. Whatever life has much bigger problems I know. But what a shame. My ugly face.

One thought on “Ugly in ignorance

  1. Anonymous says:

    Dude or Dudet

    we can be our own worse critiques, and perceive our-self as good or bad in many lights.

    The hell with the rant…. live your life and dont worry about something so trivial.

    Your alive and will find someone you can bet on that… but not with such a crap attitude (maybe a crack Head who will use you if you keep the crap attitude).

    I suffer similar traits and at 50+ can tell you for a fact that if you let your self conscious overwhelm your (positive) perceptions by the “so called reality you mention above” then you are killing your own inner self (mind, body and spirt) and not seeing the big picture.

    This new snowflake era that thinks looks is 99% of life’s survival, success and social acceptance is in for a big surprise when they get older. No one remains the same forever and well…. we all get ugly- old- fat- wrinkled-sick-etc as we age. Nutsacks and Boobs drop and sag, girls pork out, guy bodies trun to flab, that perky azz goes flat… then we die. Very few make it out of this world alive and with the perfect looks they once had. Not Even Close!

    Put your best face out there and dont worry about how it looks to you. Others see perfections in you where you see the opposite.

    When you look in the mirror all you see is a reflection of self based on perception, attitude and self esteem, more so what is behind you. A picture of yourself is the same thing and the only difference is that it captures that moment in time. 5-10-20 years from now you will see that same photo and say to yourself…I was a fool to even think that and write the above. That I promise you!

    Watch a little tv and pay attentions to mouths and shoulders and you might start to notice that even they do not appear the same symmetrical “like” dimensions and may even look lump-sided or deformed on the people that put their best face out there for the world to see.

    I spliced my face in Photoshop once as well, I seen but didnt see much difference and very few noticed. its on Linked in right now… has been for over 15 years. I left it there to remind me of the fool I once was.

    But….Very few images of anyone will look the same from left side to right if cut in half.

    Look up Luke Wilson (a very well known actor) and you will see someone who didnt let his self perception and critc of body or face stand in his way. As obvious as it is… he is famous for it!

    Patric Swazye (Dirty Dancing Original, Road House, Ghost, etc) is another, his chest is not normal, like my own… but look what this man has done. Probably one of the many best actors ever of his time.

    You have a choice-
    1. trash yourself and the rest of your life, assume that your own perceptions is everyone else’s silent opinion of you and wallow in sorrow and self hate….

    Or

    2. Live life to the fullest and put the petty BS in a box and forget about it and live your life like the winner you are and can be!

    Love will find you… just give it time.

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