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Posted by on 2020/10/15 under Life

I feel so tired and defeated. It is not exactly that my job is bad. But there is just so much work and day after day I hope that I won't have to work in the evenings and weekends anymore but that is still what I do for the past 1 year. I have been living in my imaginary bubble that the workload is not heavy because I can start work late at 9-10am and do some house chores in between. But I forget that I always work in the evenings and Saturdays and I barely have time for lunch so I eat lunch at my desk. The time that I use for doing house chores are actually time I should take to eat lunch, take short breaks, talk to my colleagues or just simple stretch my legs. But I don't have those luxuries.

On top of everything, I have a colleague who is generally nice to me, but she's busy with another account and is MIA for most parts of the day so most of the work still goes to me. And I have a boss who likes to treat me as her personal assistant. It's not like she will give me additional work everyday but from time to time. I'm happy to help as long as I have enough time to complete my tasks first. But alas, I still have my own work piled up!!

I really don't want to rant on either my personal blog or my social media page that's why I'm here. Everyone portraits a happy life on social media and I would feel so bad to spoil their newsfeed with all the negativity in my life. Well, there is no such thing as being authentic on social media. People subconsciously
choose to put forward content that is cool and happy because they want other peole to look at them that way.

Ok at this point, I started to think that it's only me who has life problems but that can't be true right – considering so many people are having depressions nowadays. More people are depressed but more people are trying to hide their real emotions because that's what the society expect of them. If you don't know how to manage your life, people will judge you as being incompetent. If you don't know how to handle your stress, people will judge you as being mentally weak. Those are all undesirable traits. People like to avoid negativity, so who will want to befriend you?? Employers want to avoid those who can't handle highly stressful environmet, so who will want to hire you? Hey, not to mention nowadays everyone can stalk you easily. Your privacy is at risk! Try saying something bad about your company and your boss on your personal blog… maybe the next day you will be the topic in your colleagues' private group chats. Yea, my colleagues all have their own private group chats to gossip about other colleagues and bosses. Everyone wants to rant. Everyone wants to vent their frustrations somewhere they deem "private enough".

Later today I will have a conversation with my boss to discuss my request to work part-time. Man, I honestly don't know if this is gonna work, because I will still do most of the master work. However, at least if it happens I will be able to at least not work on small tasks for 2 days a week.

I will also have an interview with another company tomorrow morning. I will have to write down what I am looking for in a new job. Be real and authentic because I don't want a job that will put me in a more miserable state than i'm in now, even if it gives me slightly higher salary.

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