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Posted by on 2020/05/24 under Life

I couldn't see it because I didn't want it to be true. I don't hang on to most. If they want me in their lives then they would be the ones to make it happen. I moved around a lot, people and family just come and go. But with this person I said what I meant. They never felt the same and that hurt. It was not only hurt from becoming so attached and then leaving them fast. I was not even with them for long, but to know that they never felt the same was devastating. They never gave me closure or tried in the end. But I was there, crazy, hanging on to something that I should of let go of long ago. I wanted to be in their life. I wanted them to be there for me. I wanted to be there for them through anything and everything. It was hard to just move on, still is. Couldn't tell you why. I get confused. Constantly wondering why do I have so many emotions towards this human. I feel shameful knowing what I degraded myself, just to talk, make myself available to them, to try to still be apart of their life. I never got a response. Not one I wanted or needed. I am truly nuts. They didn't love me. Maybe I dodged a bullet. They could of been with me all my youth just to cheat or leave me in the end. I couldn't handle someone just being with me because it's convenient. I don't feel that the little time spent with them was a waste. I just wanted it to not end they way it did, or at all. I made the mistake. I understand that I made myself look bad. This is because if they had cared then all the times I reached out they would of responded. I was a joke, still am. I had some small hope. I will always love them and I understand what I need to do. She is long gone. I will just respect her and let her be.

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