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Posted by on 2019/11/05 under Life

Good evening,

I'm so irritated. Why me? Why can't I get the steps? I show up to practice. What makes me different from everyone else? Why am I so afraid to perform in front of people? Why do people scare me? Why am I so tense? Why can't I stop thinking? Why am I so focused on everyone else? Why can't I zone in? Why am I like this? I don't understand why I am this way. What happened to me as a child? If you ask me I had a pretty good childhood considering the circumstances. But why am I this way? Why do I care so much about others opinions? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I just turn my thoughts off? I feel trapped in this body. I want to do so many things, but I'm always hindered because I care too much about others thoughts about me. I can't live this way anymore. It's driving me insane. I want to relax. I want to be comfortable. I want to not care what others think of me. I want to be free. I want to laugh with no worries. I want to smile because I am truly happy. Is that too much to ask for? I don't understand anything!! I hate not understanding something. It drives me insane. Why? Idk. I just don't like feeling lost. I don't like people staring at me. I don't like giving up. I hate feeling helpless! I hate that all I do is overthink everything! It can be an advantage but also a huge disadvantage!

One thought on “Stream of Consciousness

  1. Anonymous says:

    Been there! YOu have to tell yoursef “FU*K everyone else” and belive it. say that in your mind at least 100 times a day,, even if your a good little christian bible thumper.

    Trust me, its what you will have to do! It will never go away,so stay on top of it, else people will use you all your life. its called self concious and probably because your parents (however nice or happy your childhood) rode your asz to perfections or what they wanted from you, no other choice, etc. I’ve been dealing with it for over 40 years, but saying that makes it more easy to face the world.

    when they say, I got a problem- in your mind say FUyour problem I have enough of my own.
    when they say can you help me—-like wise
    when they correct you and you know things are right—-like wise…

    Oh, might try finding a cave, dark room, no light or ambiance light. Dark! Close your eyes and do your dances and moves. No mirror, no light as you are your own worst critic. Might even try it in the nude… no kidding! your in the dark so no one will see.

    The world views you more highly than you think of yourself. Just don’t let them manipulate your subconscious weaknesses. if you do you will be everyone’s slave.

    Opps almost forgot, a little of your favorite genre of music might help. lol
    Hang in there.

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