Posted by Anonymous on 2018/09/12 under Life I miss you. I can't see the end of this tunnel. I don't know what to do. Life is changed as I know it. I still can't believe you are gone. I wish I'd made an effort to come home when I was so busy living my life in some happy bubble which burst so very badly. I don't know how to manage, how to help mom. I don't know what to do about you know who….It's a whirlpool that won't give me a chance to escape. How do I leave knowing the state I am leaving mum in? How do I stay leaving the life I am building on the other side of the world? I do not have any answers. No clear view…..help..
As much as you want too, you cannot spend your life taking on the responsibilities of your parents in a life long venture. Everyone has the right to their own happy guiltless life.
Not knowing the condition of the mother/parent, I doubt that even if both her legs were cut off and she had no arms….that she would want you to sacrifices your life and happiness for her own sake.
The fact that you express the above is nothing more than a escape-goat in your own mind. A cushion of excuses to restrict your own self from taking the plunge of life and finding your own independence.
YOu are unintentionally making road blocks for your own doubts, “that I wont make it in my life ventures and here’s why” so you are taking on the burdens and using parents as an excuse to avoid the risk of failures in the unknown.
Sure there are situations that call on the sibling to take care of the parent SHORT TERM, there are too many other options, better options than child caring for the parent LONG TERM.
This sounds crude but:
If ma is a suicidal nut case, then she needs to be in some professional hands.
If Ma has physical limitations and cant make it on her own without help, then she needs to be in some facility where professionals can help her.
If Ma is catatonic, mentally disturbed, lost memory, forgetful, etc, nursing home is about the only hope as she needs 24/7-365 care. Thats unless your a doctor, nurse, sibling all rolled into one and God personally deemed you the only one to care for the parent.
Trust me! I have been there and it took my Life and Career! Now that my parents are dead, I have no career or life, no means to support myself, no normal possessions acquired (House, wife/family, Job, etc)…. I put parents above my college graduate career goals and now I have nothing but an outdated college degree hanging on the wall.