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Posted by on 2012/03/06 under Uncategorized

I’m ugly. And it’s not just something I put on myself. I’m not the kind of person who just stands in front of the mirror and thinks about their flaws. I don’t spend hours of my day dreaming about having the perfect body and the most beautiful face. No, This is stuff people have told me. Just flat out said. I have a big nose, like Mr. Potato Head. My hair is like straw. My pores are huge, and my eyes are small. My face is too long. My ears stick up funny. I’m tall and lanky, and have terrible posture. My jaw and shoulders are much too broad for a female. And although they often say these things jokingly, they have gotten worse and worse because I never react. I don’t get offended, so people are brutally honest. And the thing is, most of the time, I honestly don’t care. I don’t have many friends, so it’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone. I live in a pretty small town, so the chances of meeting someone new to try to impress are fairly slim. I just think it’s funny that all around the high school they have posters saying things like “Be Yourself!” and “Go Against the Crowd!” but then when you actually DO be yourself, when you don’t put on makeup for a day or you happen to mention to someone that your favorite movie is A Bucket of Blood with D*** Miller, then people tend to not like you. Ya, I’m ugly. Ya, I don’t exactly have all of the same interests as my peers. But I am a human being, and I do think it would be nice to go through a conversation without my big clown nose coming up. I don’t have any deep bleeding desire to be beautiful. I am quite comfortable as I am. But every so often, I wonder what it would be like to be one of those beautiful girls with more than a single friend. I wonder what it would be like for people to feel sorry for you when you’re sad, and not just look at you like you were some wet dog. I wonder what it would be like to have someone to share good news with. I wonder what it would be like to have someone to hold you. I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone. I wonder what it would be like to talk to someone and not feel the need to cover up crooked teeth. I wonder what it would be like to have someone look me directly in the eye, and not immediately look away. I wonder what it would be like to have someone become enthusiastic about something that was going on in my life. But I guess I’ll just have to keep wondering. Keep hanging out in the library and hiding in the corner of the movie theater. Keep writing stuff no one gives a damn about. Keep saving up for a professional haircut. Keep taking Midol pills for the little caffeine “up”. Keep wearing the same worn out shoes I’ve had for years. Keep replacing the rubber bands on my braces. Keep on laughing at Elvira. And mostly, as Dad would say, keep on keepin’ on.

One thought on “06-03-12(5:26:56)

  1. Writer says:

    I would just like to add that if you actually read all of this, thank you. I know I can be boring and this is pretty long. So if you actually did read the whole thing… thanks. It really does mean a lot.

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