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Posted by on 2013/04/30 under Uncategorized

I remember i used to be such an innocent kid, happy and not confused with life. often times i would be able to laugh and smile so easily. as time passed me by and i advanced upstream through life i became more and more conscious of my limited freedoms, my joy soon dwindled as more and more of life plunged itself into my arms. for the majority of my time, i could smile in front of others, despite my actual feeling. In fact, often times when faced with my own problems i felt it would be better to tackle each problem and deal with it properly. unfortunately that is a thought that is more easily said than done. certain things that would jump up at me in the face would be overly complex for me to handle. there have been so many times in my life that i wish i could convey my entire life story to others, or have someone to speak to, unfortunately, i never had the guts to do so. i felt that by sharing my burdens with someone else would only burden them and thus ruin their day. so i kept all the details of myself to myself. the only comfort i had was thinking how clever i can be to conceal such emotions from the world. my charade of being happy all the time made me feel somewhat happier to know that my presence wasn’t disrupting anyone’s daily lives. for two years i endured a brutally controlling woman who was jealous of others and abusive to me. often times she took advantage of my kindness and generosity for her own gain without returning that kindness. regardless, i felt it was my duty to ensure that she understand not all men are like whow she invisioned them. eventually she began cheating on me with a friend of mine and even though i was aware of her actions i let it slid, hoping that like some fairytale she would come clean and apologize. but she never really did. and i soon found reason to part ways. it had also come to my attention that my kindness had scared some women i had recently met. apparently it was abnormal to be so kind and caring despite it being in my nature. after several days of thinking, i’ve come to consider what’s the point in continuing…life is tragic, and it is not likely many others would actually acknowledge my disappearance. i’m sure some would become aware of it, and be curious for awhile, but after a few days they would soon forget that guy who held the door open for them and said hi and smiled and did everything he could to ensure their smile. i don’t know why i’m writing this whole bunch of nonsense really, it’s true, and depressing and i feel like i’m tormenting the reader in just typing this. i would just like to ask you all who happen to read this, what is the point? my presence affects so few and one such as myself doesn’t not help the world. sometimes i wish i could cry, but society looks down to those who are feeble enough to show their true colours…whioch is why i’m writing this here. i’m a coward so i write this anonymously. i do feel slightly better writing this however, though i feel i’m just writing this out for the pity of others and reassurences that everything is fine etc…but i don’t really know.

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