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Posted by on 2013/03/24 under Uncategorized

I just had the sudden realization that everyone I was close to outside of my family is gone. My friends, who I’ve shared smiles, laughs, and touching moments with. All of them are gone. Gone to live another life. I even lost my best friend because of a misunderstanding. And it’s only now that I realize how much I miss and needed her support. Where has my life gone? I’m alone again. No friends to be with. No friends to laugh with. No friends to make happy memories with. No one.
It’s so hypocritical of me.. I encourage my girlfriend to go and hang out with her friends as much as she can. Yet, when she comes back smiling and all happy of how her day went, I can’t help but envy her. She has a social life. She has people that care about her outside her family. As for me. I have no one anymore. Stuck in a room all day, just isolated from the world. It’s happening all over again. Just like how it did 4 1/2 years ago.
It’s so difficult to smile everyday, hiding your loneliness behind a mask of lies, and trying to make everyone believe that there is nothing wrong because you don’t want to worry them. I’ll never blame God for my suffering though. They say that the person who smiles the most is usually the person who needs the most help. I must be one of those people suffering through a Self-Esteem collapse and an emotional breakdown. Maybe I’m just thinking too much about everything.. But I wish that the ones I cared about the most, would be right here, right next to me, right now.

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