Posted by Anonymous on 2013/03/18 under Friends For the last two years, my roommate and I have gotten along fine. The minor argument here and there about the usual stuff when you live with someone. But last year, we got an apartment together, and things started getting a little rough. Not that I’m blameless (I can be a demanding) but suddenly it was like she forgot that you have to help with things when you live with another person. Still, it wasn’t awful, just a little tense every now and then. But then she tore her ACL and things became awful super quick. To begin with, her mother moved in. I’m not talking about we set up a spare so she could come spend the night if she needed help getting to the doctor or something, but full-on moved in 24-7. And then straight up told me to just deal with it. I was annoyed at first, but decided to let it go since they are paying the lion’s share of the rent. So I decided to be grateful and let it slide. It helped too that her mother offered to help out around the place since she knew she would be in the way a lot, just simple things like doing a load of laundry or two if I needed it, washing dishes, the occasional trip to the store. I thought this was a blessing since with my roommate’s family constantly in and out now, it was hard to get anything done, and I work three part time jobs, go to college full-time, am planning a wedding, and job searching (No joke- the life of a college student paying their way). Let’s just say the apartment was no longer a retreat from craziness where I could go to get work done. It was now crazy central. But then she didn’t do any of those things…. And while I just dealt with it and moved on with my life, it kept getting worse. Suddenly, her mother informed me that she is a light sleeper. VERY light sleeper. The air pump on my fish tank kept her awake at night, through TWO closed doors, and it’s not loud at all. And they went to bed hours before I did. I tried to do dishes or laundry before I went to bed, I would get an evil glare the next morning. Even though she slept in until 9 or 10 every morning while I had to get up to study anywhere between 6 and 8. And since I was having to stay out insanely late studying at the library or my office, the only time I had to do these things was late at night. If I came home for an hour or two so I could cook and eat dinner for heading back out again, she would appear in the kitchen and pester me, getting in the way so badly that after the first time I burnt food because she was so oblivious that I couldn’t get around her to the stove, I just started eating out every night, which blew my already tight budget all to hell. Lots of little things started adding up. Being informed that there would be guests during spring break, the only time that I would have to get caught up on work was not thrilling. Coming in the door at midnight and being waylaid for 2 hour discussions about “what must be done to protect my family” all the while telling me how she was going to make my life nearly impossible all peppered with “Sweety, I’m sorry buts…” No one likes qualified apologies. And then being told that there just is no compromise, and because she’s the adult and I should trust her (newsflash: I’m 22 and have been supporting myself for 2 years. I might be young and inexperienced, but I’m not a child and she was not my mother to take orders from). So I was also put in the position of being an ungrateful disrespectful child anytime I made a request, especially after she started going off about how in debt they were over the apartment and how their names were on the lease not mine… without mentioning that I had paid my share. Despite all this and more that there is just not room for (ruined clothes, fiancé no longer allowed to come over, no privacy etc) I was still crazy enough to tell her that it was ok, do what you need to do for your family blah blah, and that I wanted to stay until the lease was up. TWICE. It wasn’t until she started asking me to leave on weekends, and then for spring break (both of which I politely refused as it was put to me as a way to not inconvenience me seeing as my parents only live 45 minutes away and I didn’t see how a few more guests could make anything worse), and then asked me to move out two week before the lease was up in the middle of finals, and that she had gone and found out for me that I could move somewhere else… but oh, by the way, it will cost $3000 which we’ll gladly give you a loan for… that I finally got the hint. I decided to go on and leave before I lost my temper and went off on her and blew up my friendship with my roommate (who was supposed to be in my wedding and was blithely unaware of most of what was going on with her mother) because I had told off her mother. Which I needn’t have worried about, since my parents (who I had to go to for help, because let’s face it, a $3000 dollar bill and having to move in the middle of the semester is a big deal) acted horribly enough during the move, and my mom told her mom off for me– which unfortunately, I was outside loading the car and didn’t hear, would have paid good money to see it– that things blew up anyway. We were not able to get all of my furniture that day because it was snowing, but I thought it was alright because one of the things she had told me (before the blow up with my mom) was that I could leave anything I needed to in my room and it wouldn’t be touched. So we left a desk, a set of drawers, a side table, and a couple boxes. On the way out the door I had to refuse to give her my key and I could tell she was mad about that (but seriously, who’s going to give up a key as long as their stuff is there?) and told her I would be back during spring break to get the rest. I even gave her a date and time so it wouldn’t be unexpected if there was a guest there. Which shouldn’t have been big deal since they wouldn’t be there for spring break anyway what with my roommate in the hospital for surgery, and then staying in a hotel so she wouldn’t have to climb stairs and all. Anyway, fast forward the rest of that weekend, and Monday evening my fiancé and I are about to go on a date which we had been postponing since the whole debacle began a month earlier. I get a text from her mother saying that she had moved my stuff to a storage facility and that I should come get a key. Mmm… my name was still on the list of residents, and besides moving someone’s property without their knowledge and consent is considered a felony. Not to mention, she went back on her word, again. I was finally pissed, but I managed to go get the key without calling her every name in the book. In fact, I would have gotten the key and just left if she hadn’t insisted on justifying herself. But I managed not to say anything nasty and walked out. The roommate still doesn’t know all this, at least not from my side. A couple days later was her birthday and our friend group took her out to celebrate. Since I didn’t have a problem with her, just her mom, I went, and got the cold shoulder all evening. We had the usual polite chitchat, but she didn’t really ask about how I was doing or even reply all that much to the things I asked her trying to make conversation. The next day I found a letter from her shoved under my door saying that she would remove herself from my wedding as “my family had made clear that she didn’t have any place in my life” and that she didn’t want to cause any awkwardness. She never did talk to me directly. Apparently my mom was a bit more forceful than I thought when she told off her mother, not that my opinions are hers (though the sentiment I agreed with, just not how bitterly it was delivered). Still, I had been trying so hard to not pull her into the middle of this, but I guess her mother didn’t feel the same way. I guess there goes that friendship. I don’t know if we will ever be able to work it out, or if she can detach herself from her mom enough to realize that while I don’t get along with her mother, that doesn’t constitute an attack on her. Anyhoo, I’m just relieved that the drama is finally over. Now I just get to wallow in depression and go blame myself.