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Posted by on 2012/11/19 under Uncategorized

I don’t know what to do anymore. My whole life changed. I use to be outgoing, fun, engergetic, etc. Now I’m awkward, shy, and boring. I dont know how to talk to anyone anymore. I had lots of friends, now im all alone. All i have is my sister. Im 16 years old in my junior year of highschool. I eat lunch in the bathroom, people make fun of me, try to run me over. Im overlooked, i never use to be that way. Now its continued to my home life. My dad is a druggie, my mom lets her husband walk all over her, my brother is depressed and has become practically a vegetable, my sister judges me. I stay in my room all day long just staring at the floor. Ive turned to weed, alcohol, cutting, anything to take the pain away. I dont have anyone to vent to, i just keep it bottled. I started cutting in 8th grade, it really helps, i progressed to alcohol in 9th and weed in 10th and 11th. Nothing seems to work anymore. The pain is getting overwelming. I see everyone happy and smiling, it makes me hrt even more that i cant have that. It hurts to smile, to laugh, i feel like i shouldnt be doing it, like i dont deserve it. Ive tried to cry but im all out of tears i think.I try to be strong for whoever needs me, but now i need someone. Everyday it gets worse and worse. Ive thought abot ending it before but that “what if” in my head made it go away. What if something changes, what if i change. But nothing has. I cant wait any longer. I think about it more and more. Would anyone care? Would anyone notice? Im scared to die, bt im even more scared of what ill become in this world. It’s slowly, painfully killing me. I look at that bottle of pills on my dresser, that knife on the counter, my razor, my dads gun, thinking should i do it? Im not capable of being loved or cared for, all im doing is wasting a life away. I need God, but i dont know how. Ive tried, ive prayed, ive talked to him. Nothing seems to change. Ive resorted to talking to a computer. I just wish i could wake up tomorrow and everything would be okay, but this is reality. I dont wanna be apart of it anymore.

One thought on “Lost

  1. Ai'jona Perry says:

    hey you can email me and if you want ill give you my phone number to talk we may not know each other but hey if you need someone im here

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