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Posted by on 2012/11/16 under Uncategorized

I had a crush on him when I was younger, I didn’t think he’d ever notice me. Well my 7th grade year over Christmas break he did. I was up talking to his friend, & then he messaged me. I remember smiling so big & my heart pounding. Its kind of sad i remember all that with it being so long ago.. We talked ALL night, it was till the sun rose. At this time he was dating this girl.. They dated for 2 years.. He would text me on & off. I liked him so much.. Then once they broke up my going into 8th grade summer we actually hung out. That night I looked a complete mess, but he made me feel so beautiful. We ate, cuddled & watched a movie. He kissed my forehead, then we made out. We did some stuff.. I was a virgin & it didn’t fit in & he didn’t want to hurt me.. I grew so many feelings for him that night. The next day he sent me one message & it said “Had fun lastnight! (:. ” & I didn’t hear from him for two months nearly. He text me when he found out about me & Blake having sex. I should have known he was using me. But I didn’t think about it. He wanted to hangout but we never got to that night. We started to text again, then the next week we hung out & had sex… This may sound stupid, but I’ve never felt so much love. He acted like he truly cared for me. He took it slow when it went in so it wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t even understand it, but for some reason my heart stop & I thought to my self “I love him.” I never did that before.. It was weird. We text some the next day, then didn’t for a while. Then hung out & did the same thing.. We did the two more times, then in January Allie messed things up. She told him something about me, which I still don’t know what it was, but we didn’t talk for two months. I cried & cried. Then one night when I thought I was over him, he messaged me on Facebook & told me to text him he had something to ask me.. I text him & he asked me what happened between us & I told him about how he believes everyone over me. He told me all he thought about at night was us fighting or what went wrong. Which was a lie. He didn’t miss me or care. Later on we starting hanging out again. I’m so stupid for it. During that next summer I was 2 months late.. I thought I was pregnant. I talked to him & told him. He told me we needed to abort it because we didn’t need it. I didn’t agree I could never do that. I mean yeah I was only a freshmen & he was a senior but still. I could never kill it. Then he told me he can’t promise he’d be around. Thats when I swore I was done. Thank God I wasn’t pregnant. When school started I saw him, a lot. He says he doesn’t care about me.. I believe it. My friends catch him looking at times.. but i know he hates me & only used me. He’s dating Allie now.. He’s pretty in love. It hurts me seeing it or hearing about it. Last girl he dated was the one that he dated for nearly 3 years.. I still love him. Its hard to move on, but I have too. There will never be an “us” I just need to realize it.

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