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Posted by on 2012/10/31 under Uncategorized

i really just needed somewhere i could write and release some feeling and whats going on in my life. im 14 and i have an extremely troubled my 14 years of life i have experienced what some people never have to deal with. i have come face to face with abuse, sexual violence, abandonment, neglect, and much other things this is just the tip of the iceberg that has sunk my ship. writing lets me escape into a world that no one can crash into. so you would think of all my home problems my school problems would amount to nothing. but my friends use to be my second escape when a pencil and paper could not be reached. so here is my latest issue bottled up inside. there is this girl, who has never sat down to have a conversation with me or learn my story, that has been going around spreading lies about me to the school. in fact i didn’t even know her name before this all started. before she came into the picture i had friends. only a few were aware what was going on in my home life but i still had friends that would stand up for me and have a laugh with me. well after this encounter i had no one but evil glares when walked into a classroom. well to let you know what horrible things she had said she made up horrific stories that were not even believable sounding but apparently to everyone other than me they were believable. a lot of the stories she made i tried to forget about but there was a few that have stuck with me and haunted me of the mockery she has made of my life. i guess her obsession with trying to strike me down started when she heard her EX boyfriend talking to his friend and saying he found me somewhat attractive. this set her off to an extreme point. one story that started most of this went something like me getting naked for her ex boyfriend behind a building at school and giving him oral. of course this was completely fake. i at that point have never even had a conversation with her ex boyfriend. of course everyone but a few believed this story. but she was determined to not just make some people look at me with disgust but have EVERYONE HATE me. to achieve this goal it involved her making up a few more grotesque stories. although this made mostly everyone hate me i still had a few close friends who were not falling for her lies, yet. to get them on board with her scheme she talked my friends into believing that i have been lieing to them about everything and talking about them behind their backs which of course was not true. they fell for her ways and soon the whole school hates me and still does. honestly if the whole school hated me i would be fine with it if i still had my best friends back. they kept me in one piece and helped me deal with my awful life at home. so now i sit alone at lunch, im the girl with out a partner in science, the girl no one talks to and only makes fun of. im the girl that people are calling the worse Amanda Todd. daily i am told if i killed myself life would be happier for everyone else around me. and that if i don’t kill myself someone will do it for me . i am told to watch my back. im starting to believe these peoples comments. i am told the same thing at home and school, to go away. so where do i go? what do i do now? im a freshman in high school and i see no future. all i see everywhere i go is hatred. i see that i am not wanted. no, i KNOW im not wanted. and what did i do to deserve this? that’s the question i try to ponder daily. at home what did i do to deserve the abuse and neglect? at school what did i do to deserve the bullying, which started because of my appearance? i am a christian. i go to church whenever i get the chance. all i can see is this is all a part of a bigger plan. a bigger future with hope and happiness. as i think about it. maybe this life was given to me to take the pain away from someone else. maybe somehow, somewhere im helping someone else. maybe keeping the attention away from someone at school? saving my dear young niece and nephew from having to have the same past as mine. so ill stay and show them they have no control over me and im not going to let them hurt me and who i am. and as soon as i turn 18 i will go somewhere and be happy. i will bring my young niece and nephew with me so they can be happy and have a wonderful life knowing how LOVED they are and how they are wanted and always will be! as i write this i feel better. so thank you fellow readers for listening to my blibber blabber if you even did. sorry to those if i bored you. but reading this or not, I feel better. 🙂

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