Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2011/07/09 under Uncategorized

erghhh.. i really missing to have a boyfriend. seriously! i watch some couple drove in front of me and i start crying inside. F*** IT!. even worst, people always come by me and tell about their bloody relationship. i know some are not really going well. some are madly in love! f*** it. and there’s a guy that i think i’m into him but s*** his with my friend. well maybe me with this friend not really close but we are close enough for me to feel that i’m a bloody rascal! i know i can’t beat my own friend. not to mention, she’s freaky beautiful, she’s freaky graceful, she’s like manja, ergh..a perfect lovely girl! different with me, i’m bloody rude, i’m a bit boyish, i’m not that beautiful, and my english is not good as her’s. F*** IT. eventhough i’m way much spontaneous than her, i’m way much intelligent than her, i’m way much active than her but still i can’t compete her. they both like damn sweet. both of them are music seriously.. they both play something and love to perform. hahaha.. me? well.. i can’t play anything, i only can sing but i don’t think i’m that good at performing. that’s it.. i can’t change to be like her, that’s mean i’m not being true to myself. i’m a straight A students but went it come to this matter of life. i’m deeply in the blue. i don’t have gut to tell others about my feeling. even to my BFF. like seriously, me and my friend are too similar and that is why we usually fight for something stupid. and i think that she really envy with me and fed up with me sometimes. yes, i’m way much good in study then her, i’m way much determined than her.. and she’s like saying that i’m too much about my studies till i cop my mind. F***! i only wanna my dreams come true. i want to prove to my family that i’m a brilliant and different from my sisters. and i would like to prove to the world eventhough i came from a broken family but still i can achieve flying colours result. not only in studies, i also strive for my extra curricular. but why i’m still single till this day? absolutely the answer is my attitude. i’m a girl that only can be a guy best friends. they can’t see me as someone that sweet but someone that can be rely on. why? i feel like bulls*** nowadays. i keep on lying to him. i fake a smile to say that i’m okay to see him with my friends. sometimes i even turn out to be bad. i wish that they will split. isn’t that bad. hmm.. i know. but before this his like joking, he will prefer someone like me more than he. because my friend way much innocent and always the sweetest pie.. he even said that if he want to find a wife, absolutely not someone like her. probably someone that have responsible, well maybe that a sign for me to win his heart? i don’t know.. i guess this only a turnoff, i always give myself that particular advice but ergghh.. my young heart won’t listen. pray for me so that i can hold this feeling and face this phase with triumph and victory. puhleeeasseee :’)

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