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Posted by on 2012/04/25 under Uncategorized

I’ve just really needed to vent this to someone who I don’t know, someone who isn’t involved in the situation. For most of my life, I’ve felt different from others, not always in a bad way, just different. Last year, my senior year in high school, I finally found one of the best friends I have ever had; she was German exchange student. We got to know each other pretty well, and when she had to leave, I was devastated. I even avoided Skyping her so I wouldn’t have to think about her being gone. I felt very lonely and started to look for love (whether it be friendship or a relationship) again in all the wrong places. So, I headed the wrong direction and ended up looking at porn all the time, sexting dumbass guys, and eventually slept with a guy that I really had no feelings for. None of it was worth it. It left me feeling more empty than I had in the first place. I don’t really regret having sex, what I regret is that I picked one of the dumbest guys I knew and lost my virginity to him. The worst part is that my brother found out, and he said to me “I really thought you were smarter than that.” That hurt me the most inside.

On a more positive note, I know that the past is done and I can only look towards the future. My experience has helped me to see that although I make mistakes, I am a strong individual. I’ve learned not to look for validation from people who really don’t care about me. I am confident that there is someone who really loves me out there. I just have to wait.

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