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Posted by on 2012/04/25 under Uncategorized

So there is this guy that I’ve known since I was like 9 or 10 and he is on my swim team and I swear ever since I’ve met him I’ve always liked him and I try to tell myself that I don’t like him but then I see him at practice and I’m like ok I still like him. I’m 15 now and I still like him. I think I love him. It’s scary. I’ve been at meets and dinner parties and he was there obviously but that’s the only time I have ever been somewhere with him. Only for swim team stuff. I’ve never actually hung out with him or anything and we have never had an actual conversation about things or about how our days went. We’re not friends but I love him. And I feel so creepy now. I try to be nice to him and he just doesn’t talk to me that much idk why I’m so self conscious around him sometimes which is not good but lately I’ve been trying to let loose and say whatever I want around him because before I thought he would think I was weird or something but then I thought if he thinks I’m a freak why would I like him? Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Honestly at practice all I wanna do is look at him he is seriously the most attractive person I’ve ever met in my entire life. I’ve never met someone more good looking. He is so beautiful seriously. Not just his face his whole self is just beautiful. And his name is beautiful. And he’s ranked first in the nation for some event in ships age group. And he is really sweet. Like he has a good heart I can tell. Also he is so funny and goofy and cool and his smile is.. Idk I can’t put it into words. What i love about him though is that he is ambitious about winning and he knows what he wants, he knows what he likes too, and he does not care at all about what anyone thinks of him. Ive never seen him get embarrassed about anything at all. Never. He is seriously the realist and most truthful person I know and he speaks his mind and does what he wants and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of him. And he respects himself and he ialso has a drive to be the best swimmer which can seem c***y but he isn’t c***y about it at all. He is so humble about it, I love it. He also is good with making friends and I love to see him having fun and laughing and smiling with his friends at practice it makes me so happy when he is happy and I’m about to cry right now oh my gosh. Like seriously I didn’t know I could write this much about one person. I get so nervous around him I hate it and we only have about two and half more years together on our team and I’m scared that is not enough time to start a friendship with him and I’m scared that I will never be good friends with him or that I will never be his girlfriend or anything, and I also at practice sometimes we get in fights about silly things. They don’t matter but it’s just little disputes and most of the time it’s about something I said or one time we started fighting cause I said he was mean and then he said I was mean but these fights are never flirty lovey dovey fights they are like Ew youre annoying fights, which I feel like he thinks of me like that. I followed him on twitter and he did not follow me back, I have retweeted him and favorites some of his tweets and he still hasn’t followed me. It makes me sad, I feel like a stalker but that’s what goes on between me and him, I love going to practice to see him and to get better but I love seeing him.

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