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Posted by on 2020/11/19 under Life

Growing up was tuff but i didnt know it was tuff because i didnt know any better i guess i had some family aunties a nan a few people who cared i was on top of the world despite my alcoholic mother running away alot getting beat up my dad was there but he has a few disability's so really i was there for him as i got older i understood more things got tougher and tougher im now 19 my mum doesn't drink and lives with me but if very sick at the age of 60 weighing 5 stone andd suffering with copd and still doing all she can for me i forgive her for her past as i see it as a tuf time for her to my dad becomes very nasty from time to time relies on me alot about a year ago i had a suicide attempt it was painful i woke the next day and immitdly regretted what i done i was in alot of pain rang a ambulance and told my mum she was drunk so she didn't care i told my dad he told me he was goin the aldi he needed shopping so i went alone i was in for 2 weeks 2 freinds visited and 2 autys they didnt really care everyone stopped bothering with me at this point in my life no one would help they just came to make themselves feel better or just to say they came i had 1 person 1 aunty her name was rea onl person who understood me i just watch my aunty ree pass last week no one bothers with me anymore she was the last person other than my perants i had left and now i only really have my mum i feel lost scaerd dont know were to turn to my ashamed to tell friends my mum just lost her sister so cant speak to her work will think im weird my dad doesn't even know my birthday never mind if im okay i dont matter no one knows i watch other family members talk to each other have days out i never get invited no one bother im 12 stone i think its because of my weight i don't know they dont like me i have no family but i dont need them its oaky im okay but i want family i do need them and i am okay because if im not ill loose everyone like my friends i only have 3 but i need them even though i cant talk to them about any of this there all i have im really sad and sick of my life im sad and i dont know how not to be i just want someone to love me and care i want a family but im okay but im not i want to be okay

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