Posted by Anonymous on 2015/03/01 under Uncategorized theres nothing specific that sucks about my life, it’s jut my life. hi. i just found this site. i’m 13 years old. i would tell you my name but this is anonymous. okay. here goes nothing. well, i always get super depressed. sometimes just because i’ll start thinking about my life & realize how much of a no life i am, and other times because of specific reasons. well, first i’ll tell you about my family. my mom, dad, and brother. my mom, well she’s a druggie. she’s addicted to pills and shes an alcoholic. my dad, he’s in prison. he’s been in there for almost 3 years, he’s down to 40 days left and I’m beyond happy. my brother, he’s 10, nothing really wrong with him, he’s just a little boy obsessed with his video games. well my moms side of the family, they’re crazy. not addicted to drugs or anything like that, thank god, they’re just crazy. they like to argue with everyone and they always have to be right. and my dads side of the family, well they’re all either pill heads or potheads, or both. i don’t have a problem with the people in my family that smoke pot because well I smoke it too, there’s nothing wrong with it. i mean i know its illegal and all don’t get me wrong, but id rather them smoke weed then snort pills. yanno? and i live with my mom and her boyfriend. her boyfriend is in the military, he goes to school and he works for the government. he has no idea my mom does pills. well my mom never really did pills until she got with my mom, which was 16 years ago so let me rephrase that, my mom never would’ve started doing pills if she never would’ve met my dad. my mom and dad got together when they were teenagers, my dads all into drugs and illegal stuff and my mom well i’m not sure what she was like before, because she had me when she was 16 and already had been with my dad for 2 years. so i never got a chance to see how she was before she got with my dad. but my dad used to abuse her everyday since i was 3 years old until he got locked up, when i was 10. he would even abuse my dog. he put a gun to my moms head once and this other time she got stuck in canton because of the roads in the winter and she came home like 9 hours late and he showed me this knife and told me he was gonna slit my moms throat with it, i was only 8. i never realized how stupid my dad really is until i was about 11. anyways, my moms boyfriend, he’s an a******. i never leave my room because he’ll scream at me for nothing. i haven’t left my room in well, let’s just say a longgg while. i really hate it here. i’m also homeschooled. okay well since this is my first time on here looks like i have a lot to talk about. i never get to express my feelings and i think thats why im so depressed. well. a lot of it started the summer that just passed. i started dating this boy, he was 16 i was 12. i gave him my virginity. because well obviously 16 year olds are gonna want sex in a reationship. i honestly don’t know what i was doing. i regret losing my virginity to him. i didn’t love him, we only dated for 2 months. i’m so mad at myself for it. and well i know you’re probably labeling me as a whore for losing my virginity at 12 huh?? i’m really mature for my age tbh. not just saying that, i am. i’m not like any average 13 year old, all into their facebook and instagram accounts, that’s not me. i’d rather just smoke a blunt then read a good book. i used to like my house when my moms boyfriends brothers lived with us, but they went to prison for meth lab. he has 2 brothers, they’re twins. there names are chris and collin. collin was my best friend. he disliked my mom and her boyfriend also so we actually had a connection, him and my dad were friends too before my dad went to prison. so i really miss him and i feel like i lose everyone i get close to. chris was okay, he was kinda weird thou. he was more strict too he used to try and make me do dishes and stuff. but i would still be so happy if he still lived here. i dont really spend much time with anyone. my cousin a little bit, shes 14 and pregnant and kinda lost her friends but i think thats the only reason she hangs out with me now. she used to be one of the most popular girls in school, but she got homeschooled this year because she found out she’s pregoo. but everyone at my school district hates me. seriously everyone. people i don’t even know. i would walk through one hallway and i would walk past at least 3 people and hear them talk about me as soon as i get past them. it used to really hurt my feelings but i got used to it, i also have 2 counselors. kristie and tiffany. i dont really tell them much because they always tell me i should start acting more as a child. im sure they’re right but i already get judged by everyone for no reason. if i tried to change who i am i’d get labeled as an attention whore. i used to spend all my time with this one boy. whether it was texting or hanging out, he was all i’d think about. we used to talk all day everyday for about 3 weeks straight, we would hangout every weekend firday, saturday & sunday until this one day he told me he was talking to his ex again. her name is brooke. they talked for a week or so and i let it be because i want him to be happy and i guess thats what made him happy. i was devistated thou, i cried everyday wishing i would get a text from him, then one day i did. he asked me if i wanted to hangout and he explained how him and brooke were no longer talking and that he was sorry for leaving me. i forgave him and we hungout the next day. he’s 16 btw. i would stay at his house and we would cuddle, watch movies, make love, and just enjoy eachothers apperances. he lives about 45 minutes from me thou which is why we only got to see eachother on the weekends. but after we hungout this time we started talking again. i was so happy. i think i love this boy. we continued doing our thing until december 8th. on december 8th he started dating his ex brooke, but he had been talking to me a day before that. he told me she just asked him out and he couldn’t say no. i was heartbroken. he told me he didn’t want to stop talking thou, so i gave in because this boy IS my happiness. he means a lot to me and i lost him, twice. so we still talked and hungout for about a month after that while he was dating her, which was the wrong thing to do. i know. but on january 6th i stayed at his house for 2 days, then when he dropped me off he gave me a goodbye kiss and told me he loved me, for the first time!! I was so so happy i cried on my way walking up my driveway. then right when i got in my house i texted him and when he responded he said we needed to talk. i thought it was gonna be something exciting, but he told me.. i’m sorry i really care about you a lot and i fell inlove with you and thats the reason i have to do this. he asked me if we could be friends and only friends. it hurt so bad i felt like i was gonna die. i waited 2 and a half months for him to tell me he loves me. so we became friends. we ended up flirting a few times since then but we haven’t even spoken in 2 months. and i’m also friends with his girlfriend and they’re really happy together now. im actually friends with his girlfriend but she has noo idea about him cheating on her. i feel really bad. im inlove with my FRIENDS BOYFRIEND. i know its wrong but i always think to myself i had him first. shes one of those popular girls and could have anyone else and she has him. i’m not popular at all and i never will be and i had him, i felt like the luckiest girl in the world. now everytime he texts me it’s always ” please don’t tell brooke she doesn’t deserve it “.. i hate when he says that. she doesn’t deserve it but I deserved it? i gave him everything. i was so loyal to him. we weren’t even dating but i dropped everyone for him. any guy that would message me, block. any girl that would talk bad about him i’d stick up for him. i would do anything for him. i love him. it’s been over 2 months and i’m still not over it, i still block any guy that messages me. i dont want anybody but him. he’s flawless to me. i remember the first time we met. we hungout as friends then we started laughing at eachother and he just grabbed my face and kissed me, slowly, it was the best ever. i love everything about him. his big brown eyes, his laugh. awe his laugh omg. and when we hugged he’d pick me up everytime because he’s a lot taller than me. and when he would fall asleep laying his head on my belly. and when he talks in his sleep it’s so cute! everything about him is beyond perfect. he’s so nice and so is his family. i just wish he knew that i love him too. when he told me he loved me i was so shocked all i could do was smile, i just looked at him bushing and then kissed him and got out of the car and walked to my house. i kinda wish i would’ve told him. it’s too late now. but i still cry myself to sleep everynight thinking about him, and i dream about him every night. i know i’m young and it was only 2 and a half months but i love him. and i wish he knew. and i miss him. i’d die just to kiss him once more. i feel like i need him to be happy. i wish i was in his arms at this exact moment. it would make me the happiest girl in the world.