Posted by Anonymous on 2013/11/18 under Uncategorized Everyone has their own confession. This is MINE.
Have you ever looked back on your life and thought that it’s completely pointless? For the past 4 years I’ve had that thought running through my mind every day. But it hasn’t hit me as bad as it is currently. Right now I’m spending my time sitting in a dorm room just wasting away the day, thinking about what “could be”. I can’t help but notice that my life has been just a total waste, one almost not worth living at all. I don’t have accomplishments like most other people. I mean I’m a super smart and nice person. I throw my life on the line for the people I know, and most of the time, they are so blind and can’t see it at all. And I wish they could. I respect people more than any other person I know, but other than that I have nothing going for me in life. After this semester, I really don’t have any reason to live.
Looking back at the past my life sucks. I’ve only dated 1 girl in my life, around her, everything seemed perfect. It was almost as if time stopped, and it was just me and her. And in all honesty it was perfect or so I thought… Until I found out the entire truth about her and the lies that went on the entire time I dated her. Also, I never held a job before until my senior year. I wish I would have gotten one much sooner. I wish I would have learned the value of the dollar and truly supported my family when they needed it the most. Instead I sat around, watched everything around me crumble. I lost friends. They tried to get away from this person I’ve become. They warned me, and I never listened, I thought it was just a giant joke at the time.
I saw things that I never wanted to ever see. Things that I wish I could just erase from my memory and pretend that it didn’t happen. I got put in situations that no person should. I still remember the bloody razorblade from my father. It was the one he used in a failed suicide attempt when he slit his wrists. I remember seeing him. I still see that face of his when he realized what he did, and what he put me through. I remember telling myself that I would never allow myself to get to that point in life where I would consider taking my own life.
But here I am. Nothing to keep me going. I have nothing left to live for. I don’t have a job, no girlfriend, only 1, maybe 2 real friends here at Pittsburg State University. I don’t have anything at all. Don’t think this as a plea for attention, because I could give a f*** less. I’ve never had any attention in life at all, so why would I want it now? I just want to post this confession. I know I have had it rough, this confession doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I’ve been through. I also know that others have had it just as rough, if not rougher. But this is just too much for me. My ghosts of the past are all coming to haunt me, and they are eating away at my will.
I just hope that when this semester is over, when my time comes and I’m ready, people can see that I tried. I gave the world for others and for the things I have in life. But it all must come to an end. I just hope that others will have more courage than me. Call me a pussy, call me a coward, call me whatever, but it won’t help. This is the end, this is… my confession.
2 thoughts on “Confession”
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Try Jesus … Seriously . Sounds like u are depressed like me … It’s really hard but having faith in Him helps …. U still will have some rough days but He really IS a healer … I’ve wanted to end it many of times … But I’m here typing to an anonymous guy at 2 am …
Thanks for the comment. So often I jump to irrational solutions and forget to look to the Lord. He has a plan, and I know committing suicide isn’t a part of it. I just got to pray, and just ask that His will be done.