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Posted by on 2013/03/15 under Uncategorized

it’s not as if i want to kill myself, exactly… i just want to stop existing. i never chose to live. i did not have a say in that. and for that reason, i feel life is very unfair. the future does not excite me. i have nothing to look forward to. this is as good as it gets; these are my prime years. but they are almost unbearable. so how does anyone expect me to handle the real world? i do not want to grow up. i do not want to get a job. i do not want to go to school. what for? you die anyway. i hope i do. i hope everyone finds a way to forget about me. i don’t want to hurt them, but i want to help myself. none of this is worth it. it’s really not. you were the only light in my life, and now you are gone. nothing makes me happy, so why am i still waiting? i shouldn’t expect it. it isn’t going to happen. and the thing is, i don’t WANT it. i have no desire to change. i have no desire to keep going on in this nothingness and labyrinth of suffering. if it would not hurt you. if you could forget. if you could go on without me. i would do it. the future is terrifying.

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