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Posted by on 2013/02/25 under Uncategorized

It’s so weird, loving and hating somebody at the same time. I never thought i would be this upset over you. You were my first true love, and i was yours. You were there for me since day one, you were my bestfriend. I swore after Ricky, i would never fall inlove again, it was too painful. Then bam, i fell inlove with you. 9 months of drama, tears, smiles, laughs, fights, kisses, hugs, late night phone calls, is over, gone. now you can experience that with some other girl, that everyone hates. You were such a sweet guy, and now, you are the biggest man whore possible. You’re gonna lose everyone you love. Do you realize you ditched Erica your bestfriend, to hangout with someone you barely know. How could you do that?

You said you would never hurt me, yet look at me. Look at how much im hurting. I trusted you with my life, enough to let you take away the one thing i can never get back. And after that, thats all you wanted. I gave it to you whenever you wanted but after a while, it got annoying, and i felt like it didnt mean as much as it used to. I was never attracted to any other guy, it was only you. I swear, i pinky promise. I never, ever wanted you to think i lost feeling for you, that i didnt love you anymore. Im sorry if i ever made you think that. Do you remember when you told me to ask myself if i would bet picture where i am today a year ago? Well right now, i would never expect my life to be like this.

I know you seem happy, but i know you enough to know that you’re not. You’re in pain, you can’t cope with this. If you have moved in after a month, then good for you. But i don’t know if im moved on or not. I know i would never take you back, but i still love you. They say, if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was always yours, if it doesn’t, it never was. I let you go once, im scared to do it again. Im scared to be alone, with nobody to vent to, who i feel actually cares. I miss you more then anything in the world. And it hurts me, it breaks my heart knowing you don’t care. After all the drama that shelby put us through, after all the bulls***, after all the pain. I know now, i know to be careful who im friends with. She is a backstabbing b****, she made you hate me, for something i never did. I want you to understand, i want you to believe me. But I know, you are way to stubborn to believe the truth. Your believe what you want to hear, and what you want to hear is stuff about me that would make you regret you even met me. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t let me go, you wouldn’t laugh at my pain. You would feel bad. Someday you will realize you did wrong, and when you decide to come crawling back because you broke doesnt mean im gonna drop to my knees and take you back.

I’ve done wrong, i know. But I don’t deserve this, nobody does. Remember how broken you were after Alyssa, thats how i feel. Broken, lost, scared, useless. I feel the way you did about Alyssa. I have pushed you away too much, i cant do it anymore. That’s why im letting out my feelings on this site. I dont know where else to do it. I hope you don’t see this, and yet, i hope you do.


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