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Posted by on 2013/02/16 under Uncategorized

I feel so dumb for not realising it any sooner. Just as he has to leave a boarding school, beyond my reach, I fell for him. Why didn’t these feelings arise when I was close to him? When he was there with me. We started getting pretty tight since primary school year 6. We had a love-hate friendship. Those 5 years were the best years of my life so far. He made me feel happy. All the time. We shared many things in common, we lived nearby each other, though we fought a lot within those years, we still managed to keep our friendship alive. And when Form 1 (7th grade) started, I made a new bestie, lets call her Monkey for now. and the guy, Bud. So anyway, around 7th grade, the three of us became so tight, we were inseparable. We were the three amigos, the three musketeers! There were no conflicts or anything between us to whom was the ‘closer’ one to another, we were matured enough to ‘share’ each other. haahaha.

so when he had to move this year I had the biggest heartache I’ve ever felt in all my 16 years of existence. Please don’t stop here just cause you think it’s some boring ass pathetic, cliche, 16 year old sappy love story. This aint twilight s***, this is real life. I s*** you not. The pain was indescribable. I was basically wailing for him to come back. Nah im just kidding, not wailing but i was in pain. the night that we (my group of friends) threw him a farewell party was the worst night of my life. It didn’t really affect me days before. but that night, Oh my God. I thought to myself, if that’s how much a heartbreak hurts, I would never want to hurt anyone as long as I live.

I was depressed for an entire week. the worst part of it all (to me) was that we went karoake-ing and we sang this particular song to him called, “When You’re Gone” by avril lavigne, and I kept torturing myself by listening to it :,( I was truly upset. He was forced by his mother to go there, in hopes that he’ll turn up to be manlier (cause he’s a it girlish, but that’s what made him, Bud) and become something that he’s opposed of. He wants to be an actor but his mom is opposed of this path in life. Upsetting. really.

He’d call around midnight before I go to sleep for days without avail. Then one day he just stopped. I kept anticipating his calls but it never came. So then I found out that he called my other bestie, Monkey. And that pissed me off. I know i shouldn’t be behaving that way, but the feeling comes in at natural. I couldnt stop it. Anyways, I’d get… jealous of the slightest things frequently and it was pissing me off. I reminisced on the time he told me that he liked Monkey at 8th grade but it was a mixed feeling… ohmygosh i nearly cried Niagara Falls. but i contained myself. I wanted the feeling to go away. I was confused. I didn’t understand what it all meant. I didn’t want to believe that I was falling for my best friend of the same age as me. It might ruin our friendship. I kept telling myself that it was just my crazed up hormones. But it isn’t. I challenged myself to figure out my feelings for him for an entire day. And I kept fighting the very feeling.

So there’s just one logical explanation for all of this,

I am in love with him.

What have I done? dear readers, please advice me on what to do! I beg of you! I feel lost.. I don’t want to talk to Monkey about this. and I got no one else. I don’t trust my parents with these sort of stuff… you understand this right?

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