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Posted by on 2013/02/12 under Uncategorized

We were just hanging out. Us and our friends. Then we started talking and we got into our first REAL conversation. not just a joke or comments, a real conversation. He was laughing and he was making me laugh so hard. I’m sure i was smiling like an absolute idiot! I didn’t like him at the time or anytime before that night. We were on the sofa and then we got more comfortable and he put his arm around me. I didn’t think much of it. and slumped into his chest. He would tickle me, or hug me, or just cradle me in his arms randomly. He made me feel so special. We talked and no matter what i said he understood and everything he said I took so strongly. When we started the movie I just sat there in his arms breathing his amazing smell, feeling his heart beat. Ask me then and i would’ve told you I didn’t like him but now, he is all I think about. He Used to text me everyday. Good morning and goodnight texts and we talked like we were twins. He told me he like my friend and my stomach dropped. How could he have held me like that, spoken to me like that, let me fall asleep in his arms and he just can’t forget my friend… it really kills me. I thought we could’ve been something but i guess not. He did something to get his phone taken away and i didn’t find out till like 2 weeks after. I also found out something about him, its really sad. but that thing, it happens to be one of my secrets too. It a scary connection between us and i want to tell him but how… its soo… devastating. What makes things worse is that my family is probably moving this summer so, i dont even have time to work things out. see if we have a future. I’ll be out of the way for him and my friend. but all i want is for him to wrap his hands around me, look me in the eyes and tell me not to be afraid anymore. But that obviously is never going to happen. one of my friends made it look like i was ridiculously obsessed with him and i think he’s afraid of me now… he would never hold me like that again… or look at me the same. and i just feel so empty. That will never happen again. I probably wont see him a lot after this year. and he could very possibly forget all about me. about our amazing friendship. Then again i could be the one who valued it for moe than what he saw it for. This could all be in my head. but not that night. that night was real. i have witnesses. It was just there. I dont think I can ever forget how amazing that night was. and I will probably never forget him.. I’ll probably just learn to live without.

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