Love Work Family Friends Games Kids Life

Posted by on 2013/01/27 under Uncategorized

There is a lot of stuff I really want to tell you stuff I don’t know how to word or stuff im too scared to say. Its the kind of stuff you tell me to get out of my head, to let go of and forget, that’s not always an easy thing to do. I love you though, I love you so much Kuro. When your brothers first started telling me about you, I was thinking ‘God, this guy has some mental issues, he needs to take a chill pill!’ What else was I supposed to think when all I heard about you was how mean you were, about your anger problems and how badly you were hurting people because of them. Then I actually got to talk to you, you didn’t seem at all like the mean person your brothers had been talking about, I guess I fell in love with you too. I hadn’t wanted to love someone, I really hadn’t. I heard so much talk about how badly it hurt to fall in love, I also heard how wonderful it was when you met the right person, but then that still ended up with that pain. I really hadn’t wanted to fall in love, so all eighteen years I refused to. So why did I fall for you? You’re not the perfect guy they talk about if books and movies, not at all close to that. You have anger issues, dyslexic, everything no one likes or wants in love. So why did I fall so hard? I remember when you asked me out I was so happy, I didn’t stop smiling for three days, not joking, I loved it! and when you would randomly send me messages calling me yours, saying you loved me. I kinda wonder when that stopped…was it when I quite being that perfect doll you had liked? You had asked me to stop pretending to be so happy, to put away my mask I had worked so hard to create. I guess you just weren’t expecting such an ugly creature underneath. I have problems; MPD, phobias, all that stuff no one wants. I kind of wonder why you’ve put up with it for so long, why you kept saying you loved me, why you still say you love me. I still love you, just as much as I did when I first started loving you, I do think that it’s increased though. I know I don’t act as happy as I did when you first met me, but that was all a lie, I was happy, don’t get me wrong, I was so happy… but its gotten harder and harder to smile lately. I love you Kuro, so much, so very much, I want to make you happy again, really happy, smiling for three days happy! But every time I try, I mess up so badly. I make you upset instead, make you mad, sad, worried, anything but happy. I really hope I can make you happy again one day, I hope I can do it quickly before someone catches your eye or pulls you away from me, or you just get bored of me. I could see that happening, all my friends get bored of me, why wouldn’t you? I guess this is a lot like those notes I write but never even think about telling you whats on them, so they sit in my notebook for a year. You know we have been dating almost a year? Febuary 18th, it will be a year then, the thought makes me happy, I don’t think you care much though, I hope Im wrong, but I don’t think you really care about dates and such things. Your birthday is coming up too, only a couple months away, the day after mine. Guess that’s why you always remember when mine is, than again, Facebook does those rememinder things, that probably reminds you. I love you Kuro, way more than I could put into words. Way more than when I messed it up while trying to say it in German that one time. God I love you so much.

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