Posted by Anonymous on 2013/01/22 under Uncategorized He was simple. Loving him was hard but I had no other choice. I loved him. I loved him so much because he was the only thing I knew was right at that point in my life. Three years later its new years eve and I’m laying in the arms of another guy and that–felt right. My first love and I were on the rocks more often then not. We only called to sleep on the phone with each other every night because if we hadn’t then it’d be clear that thing were changing. I slept on mute. My first love is my “ONLY” lover I’ve ever had, I’ve never let another guy explore me. I love him to this day even through what is left to come of this story. So it was new years, I was high, drunk, and lacking whatever it is that my first love had failed to provide me with and I found it in this guy who had loved me for a while and I too had loved him but we never landed on the same page to potentially meet up. After my first love came a long he would try to find my page but it was wherever my first love was. I was hidden. However, that night…I was completely exposed. As I sat on his toilet and he leaned on my knees in the dark talking of things that seemed so important in our drunkenness–I fell in lust. I wanted him from the moment he brought up our past. Eventually I told him the truth and he called me all sorts of names and became angry only after his brother started making fun of him about the whole situation. He never cared to ask who, when, why, where. He never cared that the girl who had only ever been with him, his three years,his first love, had found comfort in the arms of another man. I had always and still am, afraid to sexually be with someone other than my first love. But now that we’ve sadly reached the end of the road, what am I to do? I want to explore my options with my passionate kissers but we have a misleading past. He thinks that it was the alcohol that wanted him but it was me. I’ve went out of my way to drop hints but what’s a girl to do!? Also, I have a fear that he doesn’t feel the same anymore or if we do finally find ourselves on the right page, it’ll b awkward without alcohol. Part of me feels stuck on my first love. Part of me is stuck on my passionate kisser. And a small fraction wants neither. My first love was meant to be my only. I can’t imagine love without him. (My life is a never ending movie) -Lanna
As the night carried on I drank more (not very smart) and the feeling of my wanting him grew deeper and deeper until all of a sudden he is on top of me. Kisses I had long since forgotten about because for three years of my life I had been consumed by only one person. Kisses so passionate that even if you guy never make it any further just those kisses alone will last a lifetime. Best kisses I’ve ever had. I wanted to go further. Begged actually (I was drunk, I didn’t care). He thought I only wanted him because I was drunk. But I was slowly breaking him with my return of passionate, teeth clinking, hungry kisses…until I literally started falling asleep. Woke up the next morning next to him with a text message in my phone from my first love. With a huge elephant in the room, I left the passionate kisser’s house and went home. Only to later end up going to my first love’s house. I lied. I lied my ass off because I was unwilling to share the little bit of romance I had experienced in almost a year. Our relationship had dried up. Many times we broke up and I threatened him. He was no longer afraid to lose me.