Posted by Anonymous on 2013/01/14 under Uncategorized Idk what I’m doing anymore. All my life I’ve had a purpose for absolutely EVERYTHING. I’m 16, everyone says ”Ur a gorgeous girl, ur so talented(some may even say)I wish I were you”…I really don’t understand what ppl see in me ‘cuz i sure wish someone told me WHY I feel so pointless, helpless. This is the first time I ever look for a site to write what I’m thinking..Idk maybe like this I at least find someone to ”listen” to me. . .I have thought about ending my life since I found out that my grandma'(the woman who raised me) could die at any moment. All I want is a BIG, HUGE purpose for living and a goal in my life. I don’t really know why I CRAVE this feeling of having something to think about and do ALL THE TIME just so I don’t think about the bad things in my life like: my grandma’ dying a couple of months ago, my grandpa’ killing himself a few days ago b’cuz of it, my ex best friend treating me like crap and acting as if she didn’t know me and not givin’ me a reason. . .I wish I had something OTHER THAN MY LAPTOP to take my mind away from stuff. ‘Cuz being in my laptop just makes me feel(as I feel now)..a 16 year old girl who is ”gorgeous” and wasting her life in her laptop. I study and I work and I STILL feel like I need something..A HOBBY OR SOMETHING to keep my mind working 24/7…i say I don’t care about anything anymore but I really really do and everything is just gettin’ into my head…I NEED TO DO SOMETHING..I started smoking cigarettes because of this feeling, then weed and I can’t go very long without drinking… I NEED HELP TRYING TO FIND AN ANSWER TO MY SEARCH! :'( I just really don’t know what to do anymore..
One thought on “I say I don’t, but I really really do…”
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Someone told me to live each day beautifully,finding what makes it beautiful is all part of it.It doesn’t just come to you if you sit there still.The world is such a big and unpredictable place, take the lead, find your interests,if you don’t like it move to the next one.Its like trying shoes keep trying until you find the one that you love best and fits perfectly. Do it for yourself!find your happiness and it will find you. You’re so young there’s still many more people to meet, I don’t agree with how your ex friend has treated you but she isn’t the only person in the world who you can call ‘friends’, those people that will be well they’re just waiting for that fated day when you all find each other.