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Posted by on 2011/08/08 under Uncategorized

Well things were going really bad. They still are. Money was becoming an issue and my mom was being a real b**** about it. I come home one day and she bought a puppy on her credit card. It wouldn’t have been so bad if we didn’t already have 4 dogs, 2 cats, a ferret, and snakes. I was so pissed. I still am. I hated the little dog, I kinda wanted him dead along with the other dogs. Then he got really sick. I felt bad, but he’s better now. I love the little guy but I’m still pissed at my mom. I don’t want to say anything, but I used to think she cared more about the dogs than me. I’m beginning to think that’s really true. I can’t stand living here. I want to leave. I am in therapy because of my mom. I have so much anger towards her. I love her as my mother, but I hate her as a person. I want to die and get away from here asap. But sadly, I can’t get the guts to actually commit suicide. Luckily, in 10 months I will be signing up for the Army. Yes, I am a girl and I am going to sign to go to Afghanistan to be a mental health specialist. If they want me to fight, I will gladly go. Agh, I’m getting off track. Anyway, one day I came home from band and I really needed a lyre for my instrument and I needed to go get one before they closed. Mom got pissed that I asked her for a few dollars. I felt so much anger towards her. She brought up stuff like “You always tell me at the last minute” Well yeah because I just found out that day. Then she said we didn’t have the money to get one and thats when I said “Oh but yet you have the money to get a dog??” And she said she put it on her credit card. If you know you dont have the money, then why buy the f***ing thing. She finally gave me the money and I was driving but I stormed out the door and drove pretty fast. Atleast 75 or 80 mph. I had my music blaring and i took my phone while i was driving and smashed it on the dashboard. I cried so hard and for a few moments I thought….if I can get my car up at 100 I can swerve really hard and it will all be over. I held back trying to stop myself. I went to the store and they didnt have the lyre to go to the other music store and look, but I didn’t have time so I left. When I got home mom apologized, but I still don’t forgive her. As she was walking away I wished I really had of crashed my car….Some days…..I still wish I did.

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