Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2018/12/17 under Kids

GOD,

I AM GOING TO RETURN TO THESE A BIT LATER.

I AM GOING TO REST BECAUSE THE PROCESS OF THIS MORNING WAS A LOT FOR ME TO TAKE IN.

THE FIRST QUESTION;

1. HAS ULLRICH KEPT THE SEXUAL ASSAULT A SECRET?

-M. TAUGHT ULLRICH HOW TO KEEP THE ASSAULT A SECRET BY TELLING HIM NOT TO TELLING ANYONE ABOUT IT SOME AFTERNOON ON THE FRONT PORCH PUTTING CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS AWAY AFTER HER ARM HAD BEEN BROKEN.

2. DOES ULLRICH BLAME THE ASSUALTS ON HIMSELF? ON HIS BODY?

-I DON'T KNOW. I KNOW THAT HE FEELS UGLY? FOR BEING WORTHY OF ASSAULT BUT CONTINUES TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS SOME ALTERNATIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS PAIN? (WE ARE WORKING ON THE WILLINGNESS TO BELIEVE THAT NO-ONE IS TO BLAME BUT BLAME ITSELF. HOW DOES ONE GET OUT OF THIS SELF-DEFEATING TRAP?

3. DOES ULLRICH try to pretend that everything was okay when ULLRICH
was really hurting on the inside?

-PERHAPS

4. DOES ULLRICH ACT OUT HIS PAIN BY SELF-INJURY, PROMISCUITY, DRUGS? ETC.

-YES, HE DOES. HE DOES. PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING HE CAN GET TO SELF-MUTILATE HE WILL DO. WE'VE FALLEN ILL THOUGH AND WE ARE NOT SURE WHETHER OR NOT WE'LL BE ABLE TO GET BACK UP AGAIN.

5. DOES ULLRICH ISOLATE HIMSELF? IF SO, WHY?

-I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DOES THIS? THOUGHT SEEMS MORE HOPELESS THAN EVER AND WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET PAST ANYTHING BUT THE SECOND BY SECOND MONOTONY.

6.HOW HAS THE ABUSE AFFECTED HOW ULLRICH FEELS ABOUT HIS BODY?

-EVERYTHING FEELS WOUNDED. BUTTHOLE, PENIS, BALLS, CHEEKS, HEART, ELBOWS, SHOULDERS, EYEBALLS. BRUISED, MALNOURISHED AND INCOMPREHENSIBLE ABSURD SUFFERING, IRREDEMABLE SUFFERING.

7. HOW HAS THE ABUSE EFFECTED HOW ULLRICH FUNCTIONS SEXUALLY?

-I DON'T KNOW. IT SEEMS LIKE HE HAS BECOME A SEXUAL ANOREXIC EVER SINCE THE LSD EXPERIMENT. HE MASTURBATES ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK AND FEELS VERY ASHAMED ABOUT IT. THE IDEA OF ANOTHER PERSON SOUNDS AS TERRIBLE AS IT SOUNDS WONDERFUL. THE SHAME HAS INCREASED AND THE HUMILIATION HAS BECOME HEIGHTENED.

8. IS ULLRICH IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS NOW?

-I DON'T KNOW. PROBABLY NOT. HE CALLS THEM EMOTIONS. AND GIVEN HIS BEING ON THE SPECTRUM, HE FEELS EMOTIONALLY A LOT MORE THAN HE WAS BEFORE BECAUSE THINGS HAVE SLOWED DOWN ALOT. AND THAT IS A VERY GOOD THING THAT DEFINING A BOTTOM LINE CAN PERFORM FOR A SURVIVOR.

9. DOES ULLRICH NURTURE HIMSELF AND REACH OUT FOR SUPPPORT?

-EVERYDAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY HE DOES. NURTURING IS COMING SLOWLY BUT WE MAKE DO WHERE WE CAN. WE ARE AS RESOURCEFUL AS POSSIBLE WITH WHAT IS READY TO HAND.

10. DOES ULLRICH ENJOY SEX TODAY OR DOES HE AVOID IT? EXPLAIN?

-ULLRICH SEEMS TO BE SOCIALLY AND SEXUALLY ANOREXIC LIKE WE SAID BEFORE. SEXUALLY AVOIDANT AND FULL OF SHAME AND SADNESS. WE HAVE THE WILLINGNESS TO BE HAPPY, WE JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MIGHT LOOK LIKE AT THIS POINT. THERE HASN'T BEEN SEX FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS?

SILENTLY ANONYMOUS,

-THE ARCHER

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