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Posted by on 2017/04/02 under Friends

Honestly. Just f***.
I just finished watching a series on netflix that was based around a girl who committed suicide. It was really f***ing sad. Anyways, I went into the bathroom after to wash my face when I noticed the 3 pictures of me as a child on the wall. I just stood there for a few moments. Trying to grasp at the happy, easy memories of that time in my life. I was just thinking, like f***. Things were so simple back then. My mother was still alive. I wasn’t dealing with college apps. I didn’t have at least 4 hours of homework every night. I wasn’t worried about boys or what anyone thought of me. Our main purpose as kids is to have fun and enjoy things. And it really f***ing sucks. That I’m at a time in my life that I’m almost always stressed out. It’s exhausting. I want to sit down and just relax. I want to be able to live. I’m 18 years old and I just had to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. That’s f***ed up. And for a brief moment, when you get into the schools you wanted, you feel relieved. Like all of your hard work has paid off. But then you realize, you just worked that hard to get into a place where things are more stressful and more work. People say we’re kids, we get to enjoy life. But when is that? Because if we choose to go somewhere and do something, the thought of the work we still need to get done is stuck in our heads. And it doesn’t f***ing go away.
So ya, f***.

5 thoughts on “F***

  1. Anonymous says:

    Me and my brother were laughing about this recently. about how at 18 you are so f***ed up. Everybody is at 18. I don’t know why it isn’t more widely publicised. You are learning to deal with adult emotions for the first time and it is far from easy.
    Believe me you are very normal for your age. Feeling f***ed up is normal for 18 I’m afraid. Just to let you know I’m a 46 year old woman.
    One of the things you learn as you get older is not to watch content that upsets you. Why should you sit through a story about a girl committing suicide. When you’re older you’ll pick other things to watch. I hope this isn’t patronising but I found this to be true. I remember being your age and sitting through a disturbing documentary about a man with scitzophrenia. I was so upset and ran crying to my sister. I thought, that’s what’s wrong with me I have scitzophrenia. But nope, turns out I was just 18 lol. When you’re older you’ll not only learn to filter out content that upsets you you’ll learn to filter your thought processes so that they don’t meander down the dark valley. You have adult emotions now and you need to reign them in. But there’s no point in me telling you how, you’ll learn this for yourself trust me. When you’re 22 ,23 you’ll be in a whole other place in your mind. In the meantime all you can do Is take your wild thoughts with a pinch of salt and Learn how to be good to yourself, nice baths, fresh new pyjamas. Don’t be afraid to read books you enjoyed as a kid or watch an old Disney film. You’re not that old yet so just enjoy. Be nice to yourself. It’s not easy being a woman especially in the early days but you’ll get there, same as the rest of us. God Bless (-:

  2. Anonymous says:

    I am on the 11th tape/episode. I read this book while I was in college for a Young Adult Literature course, really good book.

    But you’re so right. Life gets complicated, stressful that’s for sure, but it’s worth it all. Enjoy the little moments! Things like your favorite dessert, making eye contact with a cute guy at the gas station, seeing a priceless sunset! Its all worth the bulls*** we go through!

    And for real, college is fun! Stressful, but fun! I’m one of the thousands of college graduates who arent even using their degree BUT, the experience was priceless and great! I hope you get into some of your top choices!


  3. Anonymous says:

    How TV influences us. What about, what the world has come to? That’s just nothing compared to suicidal teens.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I’m also watching that series at the moment, and I agree, it brings up a lot of s*** to think about, especially at our age. Good luck dealing with it, I hope you’re able to!
    Have some sympathy from a random internet person ☺️

  5. kierra jackson says:

    I think that you should change your life and move on and do good i also think that who ever thing that this is cool and who ever post this they are not going to be anything even ever they get older

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