I feel like I’m suffocating. I know that I shouldn’t be so focused on school, that I should live my life a little, but I’m so scared. I’m so scared of failure, of becoming someone I wouldn’t like, of doing things that would make me regret anything at all. I’m so scared of living that I am, literally, killing myself. How do I stop this? It’s like, everyone tells me that this is who I am. That this miserableness is natural to who I am. But I know its not. Others tell me to breathe, to forget myself and just do what I feel like doing. But I’m so scared. I’m overwhelmed. I have a wall that I can’t break down. I know that no one can break it down for me; that it’s my own wall that I’ve built from the inside out. I just – can’t do anything about it. Its killing me. I just want to be able to just wade. Why can’t I wade? I’m doing, doing, doing. It’s not even amazing. It’s not even great. God. God. I just feel so depressed. I’ve made my hole. I’m living in it.
Failure is never something you should be afraid of. I was going through the same thing, with so much school stress. A few weeks ago, I failed my French final. 20 points out of 135. And I died a little. But then I realized… it is how you react to those failures that determine who you are as a person. So I got up again, and tried my best. Whatever it took to bring my grade back up and I did it. Life is such a beautiful thing, and while you may be afraid to live, there are people on their death beds right now wishing they could go back and take a risk. You will remember the times when you went out of your comfort zone the most. You are a beautiful person and I want you to know that it is okay to try and fail at things.