Actually I think I have the power to make things better, to change my life, but there’s always something that brings me down again, something that makes me think about stopping it right now, with life. I am really scared about living, about being literally inside life, breathing with it, loving, laughing. I am scared of finding myself alone, suddenly, while I’m on my way somewhere. So I eat and eat and eat because food, having a nice meal is like being loved, feeling at home without fears. I am definitely conscious about the fact that I don’t want to face life without knowing that someone is worrying about me, and this isn’t normal. I am not able to grow up and become a resonable human being without hurting myself for it. Pills, pills, pills, this is f***ing crazy.