Posted by retardgirl on 2013/09/07 under Uncategorized Days like today make me start to miss my mom. Or just resent her for her absence even more. Theres just so much i understand and wish i could enlighten people on as pretentious as it sounds. But all the basic things a mother should teach a daughter, im learning on my own. And even that doesnt bother me, its just that i feel like if i had a mom, she would ACTUALLY listen to atleast one thing i had to say. Im going to someones wedding tomorrow and didnt know what to wear, how to buy the dress, whether or not i should wear heels, how high they should be.. I wouldnt have minded figuring that out, if i had a besty there or my dad or brother or something!? but instead my dad just dropped me off there alone, as usual, and said go get your s***, im taking your brothers to get a suit. That was fine with me too, but that didnt mean i knew what to do.I get that i cant expect my dad to be my mom, or my brothers to provide even a fake interest, but it still stung a bit. I didnt get an opinion or anything. And the entire time i just knew, if i had a mom.. things would be so different. I guess im used to it though, and it is making me a better person. I can clean house like nobodies business because i am the only one ever available to do it. My dad works and expects it to be done, my little brother whos only a year younger than me at 14 has developed serious maturity issues due to my mom being d=gone so i cant rely on him to help, and my two older half brothers are only here because they were arrested and its impossible to talk to them so i cant get help cleaning from them either, even if what i pick up is solely their messes. I dont think ive ever picked up my own mess anywhere other than my very tidy simple empty room because thats where i spend all my time avoiding them like they avoid me. But the kitchen and living still gets exceeeeedingly dirty and somebody has to do it. So i clean, and i clean it good. I take pride in it only because when i finish i get increasingly happy from the pit of my stomach hoping that the fact i just picked up everyones s*** this time they will feel bad and attempt to keep it clean. But im wrong because even though they notice, they are unaware of who did it and why. Then they mess it up an hour later with their dogs s***, cups, hats, sweaty towls, gym clothes, shower towels, scalp flakes, pubes-literally they drop the most noticeable visible pubes EVERYWHERE and pretend not to notice so they never have to pick it up just me, fleas from their dogs, dog piss, dog S*** – that they also pretend not to notice so i have to do it, burrito wrappers, cans, bottles, crumbs syrup and everything. But as i was saying, i am a better person because of it. Im learning from all their mistakes as people. i know who i never want to be and how little they all matter to me. If i had a mom, i know none of this would even fly. She would set rules and she would make them clean after themselves. She would also not walk out and slam the door when i asked her which was a better shirt. She wouldnt ignore my comments. She would take my place so i could be a kid. But then i remember , no she wouldnt because she isnt here for a reason, because she doesnt want to be. she has the choice, she just chooses to leave us. just like she chooses to call my brothers- but not me. because she can find a quarter for her son and her meth but she cant find one to talk to her only daughter. your only daughter who still calls you, who you pick up and hand the phone over for SOMEONE else to explain why you have to hang up on even when i can hear you talking in the background. keep avoiding me mother. why? i dont know, and i dont care. your drug is your daughter now, enjoy her. she surely love you more than me. as you surly love her. Hah, i really am the meg of my family. im good though. someday man… someone will have an interest in me. huffff.
3 thoughts on “b**** i know you can find a quarter.”
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This is so sad. Be strong, i know it’s the most cliche’ advice ever but, it’s all i can come up for now. Please, just be strong and when you find that certain someone, you can stop being strong because i’m sure that someone will do it for you.
This is so sad. Be strong, i know it’s the most cliche’ advice ever but, it’s all i can come up for now. Please, just be strong and when you find that certain someone, you can stop being strong because i’m sure that someone will do it for you.
thanks, and thats what im doing.. just holding up for my wildman. jesus christ its taking long tho.