Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2013/01/26 under Friends

so i have these girl friends(2) well i thought they were my friends 🙁 i found out today that neither of them like me and really they all talk bad about me behind my bad and the worse part is for some reason i feel the need to please these girls and i hate myself for it they used to be really close to me last school year and beginning of this school year and i started noticing this year that they became sort of distant like when id try to join in on conversations or id try to talk to them they flat out ignore me and i don’t understand why :'( i knew one was mad at me because she liked this guy and me and him became friends and we hangout but the thing is he hangs out with me and my guy friend(whom in fact i like!!) and i apologized for that! i told her i was sorry if she thought i was trying to sabotage her chances with him but i wasnt in fact everytime i hung out with him i found out he actually liked her and i encouraged him to go for it and when he found out she was mad at me because of our friendship he straightened things out he told her ” me an her are friends and you know what shes actually helping, i like you! me and her are friends okay so quit being mean to her” and she actually came up to me after like a week of ignoring me and said “im sorry for everything” and being the me that i am i accepted i said “oh i know dont worry i know why you did it” and i thought things were guna go back to normal but.. nope at first they were kinda normal but then i started noticing something when he wasnt around she didnt talk to me but the minute she hung out with me with my guy buds there she was the nicest girl ever and i always try ti see the best in people so i blamed myself i said well its your own fault or i think your over reacting you just think everybody hates you your just being paranoid and the scary thing is for once i was right because me and this guy friend the one one of my friends was mad at me about we’re actually pretty close now he asks me for advice when it comes to her or other stuff and we were talking and he told me how he likes our friendship he can trust me and how he doesnt like my friend(the one he likes)’s best friend(my other friend i thought i was close to) so when i asked him why he confessed he said “because honestly shes a 2 faced b**** she talks crap behind your back and i cant stand how they make fun of him(guy i like our friend) and i told her to stop because i care more about u guys and you know if you ever dont want to have lunch in that place with them we can go somewhere else” and i touched my heart because its feels so amazing to know i have such an loyal friend but i cant help but what to cry because its no longer my imagination its real its like i was having a nightmare over and over and i finally woke up only to find out it wasn’t a dream it was my life. and im angry at myself for still wanting things to work out between me and these girls. why do i want to submit myself to this torture? why do people like me do this? why do i even care? and even more why am i so angry with myself as far as i see i dont think i did anything wrong but then again maybe i did.am i not likable? look at me im a freaking drama queen for making this about myself what about them maybe i really was in an unknown way to me a bad person why is this such a constant battle with myself? :'( i wish nothing more than to crawl under a rock and apologizing to them. look at me i have no back bone what happened to me i used to be so confident i used to confront my problems and now all i see is something terrible coming from everything i do. what i should be doing is “f*** you guys im done trying to change myself to please you you liked me when you met me and i haven’t changed so you guys can kiss my a** because im done!” but sadly this will never happen because i feel like doing this would only make things worse

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