I don't want to sleep, because the thought of waking up is giving me anxiety and at the same time it's giving me nothing to look forward to. But i also want to sleep. Because that's the only way i can numb myself. And i just checked my posts on this website from 9 years ago (damn, time does fly) and i don't think I've gotten any better. And that's the scariest part, knowing that these feelings, thoughts and triggers might just keep on getting worse …