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Posted by on 2012/11/18 under Uncategorized

I used to smile… a cheerful nd pure smile.. i used to be innocent… although i had my days wer ove had people fool me nd use me.. beginning from an unloving nd lyinh father left .. men hav always been d same nd growing up i observed a truth that love is a joke, a stupid thing.. but then one day i met God nd found out about him nd his unconditional love.. den i promised him dat ill praise n worship him forever with all my heart n soul.. but even with d Lord my thoughts about love remained unsteady.. but i ignored it.. i didnt care about it.. but one day i asked God… in a way to make sure dat men wont hurt me again.. i asked God to keep my hea, to prevent me from loving or ever falling in love with anyman.. for it was easy for me to criticize about love because, unlike Gods love…. i havent fallen in love with any person or human before… and it scared me because…. if i did.. i would go crazy… nd there was a deep conviction in my heart that… i would be in so much pain n hurt… id die… tho ive never fallen in love… i know myself… nd dat kind of nonsense was something i didnt want in my life… so with dat promise , i lived my life with the Lord nd eventually forgot all d past pain n relationships… God was d center of my universe nd my attention was on him… living life everyday was for him… i loved him soo much… because unlike any human… God would never hurt me…. i fell in love with God but not with any human… nd i wanted to keep it dat way…. then one day i wanted to get closer to God… so i left my home nd moved out … i found a job near d church, it has its benefits.. but all i wanted was to b close to God by living n working next to d church so i could serve him n attend all d meetings, prayers n activities… not for d church of course… but for my worship nd praise n service to God… but dats wen i met him….. dis person…. whom destroyed me completely……… he destroyed me…. he robbed me of my happiness…. of my smile…… of my love… i fell in love with this person…. i fell in love with this human for d 1st time….. n wen i did…. it was like laughing n crying at d same time…. but mostly it was like swalloung shards of glass….. he destroyed me… i asked God to giv me strength but this man tempted me nd now ive lost my mind because of him…. i love him nd i cant let him go…. because he robbed me…. nd because….. i dont want to snap wen i do…. i dont know myself anymore….. n every one else to me…. now r all plastic dat ive become dat myself….. ive never been so miserable my entire life….. my heart now is gone its been hurt nd damaged, its numb…. its been replaced with darkness….. d same darkness dat my mind n soul has fallen into….. a deep trench… so deep dat in fact…. its 6 feet below d bottom of dat trench….. im destroyed, im broken…. nd der is nothing anyone can do for me…..

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