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Posted by on 2011/07/06 under Uncategorized

death is so scary. i always think im dying. im only 20 i should not have so many little medical problems. i shouldnt feel this way. i should feel strong. are these symtums of something major ive been missing i dont know. i think im dying slowly but im to afraid to tell anyone they think im exaggerating. one of these days im going to faint and not get back up. then what i need to get my affair in life in order i just dont know where to start . or if i have the energy between the fatigue and passing out . the abnormal mood swing stop me from keeping a straight vision. my anxiety has been out of control for a few years now . and when i start to get anxious i hyper ventalate …. my blood pressure soars . the lowest ive ever gotten when i check mine when i was calm was 140 over 100 … some times my heart start beating fast and quivering. i can feel the blood push down my vein from one side of my chest to the other and down the arm . i cry at these moment and say this is it im dying. other times i lay in bed at night and my whole body shivers from the inside out. ive lost so much weight lately i dont know how . some one ask me the other day if i had a deadly diease i laughed and said no but this just affirmed my fear. ive been sick now with a cold for almost 3 weeks . i never use to get sick whats happening to me. someimes i wish the doctor would find something so i could at least explain to people why im so sad all the time, its so fustrating. im a broken life form i feel like im 60 i wish i could be save from whatever is wrong with me if i was free from this i could live in happiness with everyone else

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