Posted by Anonymous on 2015/03/01 under Uncategorized Despite being surrounded by loving friends and family, I always feel alone. I have a good life. I get everything I want: love, friends, family, and any materials I desire. And yet, I find that I’m simply not satisfied. How selfish of me, right? I feel hollow, as though I’m only an empty shell of what I used to be. Yes, I was happy at one point. A long time ago. I was a child, who could see no evil. I was ignorant to the world around me, and that was bliss. The words flow out of me like the tears down my cheeks. Because despite my best efforts, I can’t lock it away forever. I wonder what it feels like to die. When life is meaningless and hopeless beyond repair, relief finally comes, and I can close my eyes in a final goodnight. What bliss that would be. I know that there are others who have it worse than me. What can I say? I’m a selfish, arrogant brat. Those of you with reason and understanding, knowing why you feel so abandoned, I envy you. I’ve spent years of my life trying to understand it. That aching, empty feeling. I smile and laugh, a constant mask plastered on my face. I’m not really happy. You know, I’m a terrible person who only makes friends to delude myself. I only have one true friend. Only she knows my pain and suffering, supports me when I’m ready to fall. I think that normal families aren’t as financially stable as mine. Most have at least two children. There’s the occasional only child, like me, but not as often. I have a small family. Because of that, I’ve gotten everything. Except one thing. Happiness. I will never understand what it means to be apart of something, to be closely connected, to never be alone. Many of you have something to hold on to, something to treasure. A reason to live. Not me. When I leave this world, I will fade away over time. A distant memory that could never make anyone see. No one can see my suffering. Listening isn’t enough. The tiny red thread that dangles me above the abyss desperately wants to break. I find myself wishing that, too. I want to die. A bloody death that will make people cringe. And maybe, just maybe, I can feel pure happiness. It makes me laugh when I wonder if I’m hollow. If I really am empty. No matter what I do, I’ll always be the odd one out. Always with my “beloved”, but doomed to live alone. How silly, huh? Always alone…
2 thoughts on “Always Together, Always Alone”
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If you don’t have a reason to live, then make one. Find what you get peace from..music, writing, work, charity. Anything. There is too much to do and too few who take the time to think about it.
If I were you, I think I would do 3 things: Firstly, see my situation as a transitory period. Although I don’t have a goal or something to hold on to now, that doesn’t mean I can’t find it some day. So I would start exploring things that intrigue me, be really good at it and build something from it. I know i have something to look forward to. Secondly, go travel and learn something new. I’m sure when I open up my horizon to see more of how others live, it’d inspire me to pursue something in my life. Thirdly, I’d share some of the things / talent / time I have with people in need. Sometimes happiness comes not from the self but from offering something that others need and appreciate. Yes, I think I’d do those 3 things.