Posted by Anonymous on 2014/12/25 under Uncategorized is it so bad to move on if your dad would have wanted you to be successful? I feel such guilt, it’s only been a short time and i feel terrible but still need to keep going, i feel so many things all the time and don’t know how to grieve fully there is no manual for this but i feel so much so i keep feeling and listening to music hoping that things will make sense that the pain of existing will stop and it has a bit at times and i feel guilty because that must mean i didn’t love my dad enough to feel his loss so fully. i have a job to go back to as director of a children’s program in my studio and am labbing my curriculum (of which i have none except some ideas) on a school of toddlers two weeks from now. i have nothing. and i am so helpless it’s laughable and sometimes i want to scream and freak the f*** out. overwhelming to say the least. i don’t know what to do but exist. and maybe that is what i need but i don’t know what makes sense. up is down and down is up and i just want to escape or be with my family or else i get super depressed at my jobs which make no sense. what is the point anymore. i want real things and i want real love but i have nothing left in me to make sense of the world at this point. christmas. can’t sleep. won’t find peace except that with my family. what you have is important. look at what’s in front of you. don’t take it for granted.. TEXT OR CALL whoever you love WHILE YOU CAN. I say this because I should have done that more. and though i still don’t fully understand that yet, i.e. my wedding day he won’t be there etc. i really really wish all to comprehend the severity of the present moment, both in opportunity gained and lost. just keep existing girlie, just keep existing and maybe it will get better.
2 thoughts on “christmas without my dad”
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Hi i don’t know why im even replying but i feel most things that give us the greatest pleasure only last for a short while. I always miss my childhood, my friends, hugs from my parents, fights with my sibling but now they are all gone and will never come back. I am mother now and have a 3 yr old and she is the biggest joy of my life and i know even this is not going to last forever, as when she grows up she will move on in her life and i won’t get the same love but there would not be anything that i would do then. It is same in all relationships, also in the relationship of husband and wife, the love and chemistry is amazing in the first few years and then it all fades away by the dusty clouds of financial pressures, daily chores, work life. In the end everyone wishes to have all the love, all the lost smells from childhood and all the sweetness from the parents to come back but it never does. I feel it is best to think in the present and stop thinking about the future because god always give us something when we lose something precious. I don’t know why I am writing all this but these are my feelings as a person. I hope you get some peace in your life, but often intelligent and sensitive people have hard time adjusting to life’s realities.
Hi Amy, Merry Christmas. Yes our lives are in constant motion and I love it all. I too miss people and am curious as to who i’ll meet next. I try not to let all the little crap in life get in the way and know that I am teacher and student. Every experience is to be loved.