Posted by Blue on 2014/08/31 under Uncategorized I know I am still young. Too young to permanently determine anything. But when I stepped into college at 16 I realized a few things due to the comparison I made with my classmates and I. I’ve never been close to a guy ever. like every day Blue talks to you – Blue confides in you – you know many things about Blue kind of guy. No guy has ever liked me or bothered to befriend me. I went through 4 years without interacting with any none related guys. Basically no guy friend for 4 years. (I was studying in an all girl’s school) No guy has ever liked me back. I’ve never dated, never had a suitor, never caught the interest of another guy. and I can go on and on about my none existent ‘guy’ life but yeah you get the gist. I don’t really care most of the time but today is just a really low day and I wanted to get it out. Tomorrow I’ll wake up yet again with my “I don’t give a f*** attitude. Just be yourself Blue :D” I ignore these thoughts most of the time it’s just. Just. I just need to get it out in the open right now. Please someone?
I thought maybe in college things will be a bit different. Someone’s bound to find me attractive or even interesting but hence they think of me as one of the guys. I’ve been bro zoned by my guy classmates/friends so many times; I’d rather not count it at all. I should really not care in the first place since I won’t really do anything if ever someone is attracted to me. Bigger possibility of rejecting or avoiding them than entertaining them since I’m not romantically inclined but even so you can’t help thinking what’s wrong with me? It’s sad because I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I that unattractive? Am I that ugly? Am I that unpleasant? Am I that horrible? Am I that socially awkward? Am I that unkind? Harsh? Bad?that no one has ever liked me? I don’t try to be someone else or be like most of the girls, girly, but I do know in myself that I’m a girl and that I’m interested in boys but I’m afraid they’ll misunderstand and I end up being perceived as someone who I’m not just because majority believes so. I’m afraid of forever remaining unwanted and unliked. But I don’t want to change who I am. I am boyish and I believe that’s who I want to be as a girl. I don’t want to give a f*** about dresses and make ups and always be dolled up or neat and clean. I just want to be me. But I don’t think anybody appreciates me. I know it’s too soon to say anything since it’s only been 2 months since the start of classes but I see the difference between my classmates and I and I’m afraid. It seems everybody is image conscious. Make up retouch here, perfume there, brush hair here. I don’t want to be like them but I’m not liked as I am. What’s wrong with me? I don’t know anymore.
5 thoughts on “Romantically un-inclined….”
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So blue, are you saying you want a guy to like you eventhough the biggest possibility you’d do is to reject or avoid him? just so you fit in with the rest or experience ‘normal’ as you see it? I’m a guy so this is a bit confusing but i can understand a bit..i think.
I would say some cheesy stuff like “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” or some shiet like that but i won’t, let’s be as realistically as possible. The world is f***ed up. There you go.
A free soul like you, us, ..we don’t follow the ‘rules’. As you said, girly stuff like make-ups and all, you don’t wanna do that because it’s not you but if you want attention and be liked…that’s what you gotta do y’know?
This mentality that we have “i want to be me, say what i want, act what i want. If anything happens, i won’t respond like what the textbook told me to but i will respond to it naturally” …this mentality is what’s wrong with you. It’s you.
It’s a good mentality tho, you’ll see bigger things, things that are naturally hidden will reveal themselves in time if you keep being yourself. You see, people wants to fit in or not to stick out like a sore thumb so they follow the ‘rules’ needed to achieve that position.
You don’t follow those rules so the possibility of a guy liking you isn’t necessarily 0%, it’s highly just lowered. You’ll meet your prince on a white horse someday. A guy that wouldn’t mind you being you. Keep on being Blue.
First, you’re awesome for having/choosing the name Green XD
Second…Damn. That did sound messed up o_o
Third (Yes, I’m gonna keep counting >:3) Thank PUA(person up above XD) for not saying those things, they’re so f***ing cliche they’re like unrealistically real. I mean… Yeah you get what I mean.
Fourth, Thank you for sharing your out of the ordinary point of view (in my opinion) regarding this dilemma of mine. Now that you’ve presented a new side to all of this f***ed up s***s. Thank PUA I’m still trying to be me. Really when you put it that way. Damn.
Fifth (I said I was gonna keep counting. Lastly. hahaha)Hoooraaaay for us free souls! Long live!! XD
Thank you 🙂
Oh and. Princes’ are idiots. Medieval Assassins and imperfect s***s are better :3 Also a black horse is way cooler. Unless he arrives in a unicorn in that case… rainbow would be awesome.
And you keep being Green. Booyah! Cheers.
The best thing about some one
Is that they are being themselves
Love? You can’t find it?
Well that’s alright
Perhaps your “Mr. Right” is not here yet
Just be yourself and be patience
Yes, it’s the most beautiful thing. But then it’s also the most s***ty feeling to be ostracized (not saying that I am) when you’re being you. That’s like saying. We reject you. the real you. And that burns man. Real bad. (Again not saying that it’s happening to be. The thought just passed by XD)
What’s funny is that. I don’t really want to find love but I have these thoughts and hahaha. It’s f***ed up. WOOOH! yeah. Hoooray. Love is s***ty. It makes people stupid and lowers their intelligence but then it also makes people better. Which is quite contradictory but then yeah am rambling.
Thank you for the advice 😀 I’ll keep that in mind. although I’m still working on the patience virtue s***. That’s quite hard for a very impatient person XD
Thank you 🙂