Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2014/05/09 under Uncategorized

I probably didn’t go about things the right way. That is to say, I almost definitely didn’t go about things the right way. I played things too conservatively and too casually. If I had my time again, I would have taken charge more. That is not to say, be more boss like, but more helpful. I should have just identified where troubles were, then acted to fix them as a leader would. Should have organised your house to be cleaned. Should have just ordered groceries. Should have just taken you out to nice places more. I don’t know why I didn’t at least try that approach. If I’m trying to find a positive reason for not doing those things, I think it would be that I was not trying to smother or control you. On the negative side, I was probably too stupid to think of it. I was conscious of not impeding too much on the systems you had in place. They were your systems and approaches to things. I should have helped you more in any way I could. Everyone likes to be helped. I think to do it all again, I would help you out that way. I guess at first you wouldn’t like it, but I think you’d get used to it.
I just didn’t know what I was doing in general. I come over to this beautiful little house and there are all these people coming and going. Usually, I’d just be dumb founded how many people would just show up. It was kind of annoying. That’s only because I’d be fighting for your attention as well. But I kind of got used to it. At least to the familiar faces. It was overwhelming with the kids. I was going from nothing, to full on, in your face, screaming. Wow. Could’ve been warned on a few fronts, but you were protecting them I guess, so I had to be slightly intuitive and work things out on my own. But it was a busy household and I could have done more for you. I should have just been a quiet leader. I shouldn’t have listened to you. Remember your birthday, not wanting to have a party. I had to force that through for your own good. I should have done more of that. I should have spotted that you didn’t invite your sister. I should have fixed that…whoops. I should have done more things such as fixing the deck, and complained less. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. I’m still learning to swim in the deep end here, and I needed some forgiveness.

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