Posted by Anonymous on 2013/11/20 under Uncategorized I am so inadequate. Everyone seems to be succeeding at life more than me. It feels like I missed out on life lessons I was supposed to get as a child and I’ve been struggling to keep up ever since. Maybe it’s my adhd. I think about the paper I have to write for my english class and my stomach starts to churn. I used to think I was good at English, but I’m so unsure now. These classes are easy classes, so it’s just that much more frustrating that I’m so overwhelmed by them. College is only going to get harder. I think about quitting and going home on a daily basis. What would I do instead? That’s literally the only thing keeping me here. Is life this much of a struggle for the rest of the world?
Everyone at this college knows exactly where they stand in their faith. Well, everyone except me. I have no attention span for lectures on justification or sanctification. I couldn’t tell you the difference between them either. I zone out in church and chapel. If I do manage to pick something up, I immediately forget it. Jesus said we should have faith like a child and that’s exactly what I have. That is my excuse and my explanation. I really wish I was more knowledgable and could have a deep discussion with my dad, however I cannot see this happening in my life. I am such a slacker and a lazy Christian. Is life this much of a struggle for the rest of the world?
I have physically let myself go. I use to have such a nice, healthy body. I used to play every sport and loved to go running. Now I feel obligated to run and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. What I hate more is how I look. I have a fatter, rounder face. I’m uncomfortable in a bathing suit. It’s the worst. There is something false in my mind that keeps saying how great it will be once I’m skinny again. Soon, I will have the body I once had before. This day will never come unless I work incredibly hard for it. Knowing myself, it cannot be done. I am inadequate.
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I think you put your finger on something very human. I guess most people feel inadequate some phase of their lives. I know I feel it. I last felt it earlier today, but at the same time I know that I do my best most of the time. If that’s not adequate what is? Don’t be so hard on yourself. Life is tricky at times and that’s when you have to forgive yourself. Embrace your misstakes or lack of being perfect and trust that you know what’s right even if you somtimes make misstakes. We all do 🙂