Posted by Anonymous on 2013/07/13 under Uncategorized There seems to be a pattern to life, like the happier you are results in a bigger sadness when the time comes. Like a roller-coaster, ups and down.
The main problem is lack of communication that’s got me down recently. Both from my family and my friends. A lot of my friends I was very close with moved to different cities for university last september, and at first we stayed as much in contact as before, but now we barely talk, it has been weeks since we last spoke when we used to talk every day.
The people who are currently around me are great, but I don’t want to burden them with my thoughts because I don’t want to push them away.
One of my friends, whom I love dearly, she’s very skinny, pretty, got her long term boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong she has big issues too, but when we talk about certain things I can’t help but feel like bursting into tears. She doesn’t realise that it really impacts me, like when she talks about her own weight and says she has “put weight on”, she’s “getting so fat”, she isn’t even saying it in an attention seeking way, she genuinely believes it, it gets me really down because if she views herself as “big” or “fat” then that makes me huge. It hurts because that’s already a sore point for me and the way she talks about herself makes me feel worse about me.
It also feels like whenever I talk to her about guys I like etc. that she’s very judgemental and is quite impatient, as if there is something so wrong with me that I can’t have a boyfriend like her. And she’s so condescending about sex. Her boyfriend is the only person she has ever slept with, but she thinks she can talk s*** all over my love life. “aw don’t worry, you’ll find someone.”.
A lot of this is my fault though, because I can see I have been nothing but passive aggressive with her at times. I guess I just feel friends aren’t supposed to judge you that way, like they shouldn’t make you hate yourself in every respect.
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“There seems to be a pattern to life, like the happier you are results in a bigger sadness when the time comes.” I think you are on to something there, dear. The duality of nature can be a blessing and a curse. The greater the capacity for happiness, the greater it is for pain. “Like a roller-coaster, ups and down.” Yes, there is no ultimate happiness, in the sense of always being happy. It is important to learn to be comfortable with certain levels of sadness/sorrow. I would write more, but I feel like then it might end up being another Bible and no one will bother to read it.