Posted by Anonymous on 2013/07/12 under Uncategorized I am me
I really don’t know what to say or how to put this into words but I wanted to think a little bit about who I am.
And it’s stumped me.
I’m socially retarded, to be honest.
I have very few friends.
I am very smart…
While my lack of friends hurts me I like to think that I’ll make it further in life than the kids that do have a ton of friends.
I feel like I have a clearer view on the real world than them.
I’m under no circumstance an overachiever.
I made it out of 9th grade with all As, minus a high B in math class.
I’d like to think that’s relatively good.
I’m not a popular kid… and I’m not a loser kid…
I don’t know what I am.
I guess I’m defying the cliques right, haha?
Or maybe it’s because I am seemingly,
Invisible.
I am not loud.
I do not stand out.
I do not exist to 99% of the school population, or world population.. make that 99.9%.
I don’t want it to hurt me, but in all honesty it does.
I hate who I am.
I want to be the girl with a lot of friends.
I want to be the girl that the boys chase after because she’s so irresistible.
I’ve never been that person and I never will be.
I’ve fallen into what I like to think of as,
Depression.
For a while I thought, maybe if there’s something wrong with me, people will pay attention to me.
So I starved myself for a month or two or three, and I cut myself for 3 years.
I cut long before I starved, and it was when I was starving that I realized something.
Why should I make myself unhappy to make others like me?
I mean, sure I’m still alone…
I still hate myself for being alone.
But, I have my few friends and my family, and while they’re not comforting to me, or loving…
I have more than some could ever ask for and I really shouldn’t complain.
I’m gonna take what I have and embrace it and live my life and be somebody in the end.
People will know who I am.