Posted by Anonymous on 2013/02/27 under Uncategorized i hate being here where i call “home”, i dont even know what a home is supposed to feel like, itsnt it supposed to be warm and loving and happy? well mine isnt and i dont know why i still call it home, i feel out of place everywhere, i dont feel wanted by anyone! i feel like im just there, and accessory of everyday life, my parents r back together, isnt it supposed to be better? they r fighting still, why did they go back together if it isnt going to work, who are they trying to fool, i just want to disappear, leave far away really far and not hear these stupid problems, im pretty sure no one will miss me, after all im a burden right, like my brother said, im just taking up space, i dont want to hear any of these irrelevant arguments, im oretty sure my father is seeing another woman still, my mom so naieve, my sister is worried about moving back and not having enough money, my brother… where do i start… and me i just dont feel wanted anywhere, and now my father has left the house, such a self person! my brother and i are just here as residents you can say, i hate everything i hate it!!!!! even when im not home and anywhere else i still dont feel comfortable, i just want to feel loved and for someone to tell me that everything will be ok, i have grown to be so bitter because of everything that has happened in my life, i dont cry infront of my family… i dont talk to them anymore even though we live in the same home, i only talk to my sister at times… i cant even talk to the one person i feel wanted by… and thats SOMETIMES too… am i just an accessory? i just want somehwere i can feel wanted a home? an actual home filled with love, happiness, laughs, sure have problems here and there.. but not like these… at least when i have my kids im not going to f*** them up like my parents did to me… i dont even know what a home is… but can i complain? other people have it worse.. right? i would rather have my parents split agian, id be sad cuz my mom would be struggling agian, sleeping in her at times waiting for work, waking up early… but least she’s be happier, my father… i feel sorry for him he’s going to stay alone… and the saddest thing of all is that i have no respect for either of my parents as people.. i love them but their choises.. i just think they could have done better and be better now that they are older… are you supposed to get wiser as you grow older? well i guess not in this case.. my parents… but who am i to judge right? well i guess it doesnt matter… but i do wonder sometimes what kind of f***ed up childhood might have my dad had to end up how he is now?.. i try to understand but i dont get anywhere.. but thats still no excuse he could have learned from what happened to him and been a better person and parent.. but he wasnt.. so now all his children are f***ed up.. ones an alcoholic, another wont stop smoking and the youngest.. i know ill be better, i wont make any of the mistakes my parents did. i wont end up like them… it just makes me sad thinking about it and experiencing it, i just wish i had someone to talk to at least… i feel like i cant even talk to the one person i confine in, my boyfriend, i feel like he has abandoned me when i most need him… i have become bitter and rude to my parents, i dont feel proud of it, i feel horrible, i feel so bad… honestly i just feel like i have fallen into a deep melancholy