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Posted by on 2013/02/21 under Uncategorized

21st February, 2013

I wish it would be that easy, just to come out and say it for real. I would hope that everyone would understand, but how can that be if I don’t understand it myself? I’ve been thinking it for a couple of months now, I keep wondering if it would just be a phase and it would be gone, but it’s not going.
It’s my friends I’m scared about telling, they won’t understand, I just know it; and then I think about all my teachers and the people at my school, how will they accept it. It’s supposed to be an accepting place but you haven’t met the people at my school. They can cut you with a simple look. The year 10 & 12 girls will be the worst; they scare me enough just walking past.
I f***ing hate my school. I go to the scummiest school on the Peninsula, fights are a normal occurrence, and the schools pregnant guinea pig was slaughtered last year by some pathetic excuse for a human. The teachers hate me so much, almost as much as I hate them. My friend got suspended for wearing the wrong shoes the other day. They think that they can ‘crack down’ on all the girls wearing black socks. I go to a uniform school so it’s not like casual. We have to wear a stupid f***ing dress and we’re not even allowed to wear a hoody.
My best friend is a f***ing wimp. To be honest, she drives me insane how immature she is. The worst word she will say is ‘stupid’. Like honestly, grow up. She is so nice but most of the time I hate her guts. She doesn’t even say guys’ names. I want a friend that we can look at guys or girls and talk about how hot they were. I want a friend that just knows what to say; maybe they can convince me to tell my parents, or anyone. You know the ones when you can tell them all your problems, and they have an answer? I want one of those.

3 thoughts on “My name is Jordan

  1. Anonymous says:

    Jordan, I totally understand. I wish with every ounce of my being that I could come out. However, I don’t go to a school that requires a uniform, so in that aspect it is easier. But the people in my school are very similar to those at your school. With just one glance from a person, you feel like you’ve been shot. You want to crawl in a hole and die. I struggle with the same issue and I wish I had the guts to tell just my parents. The only advice I can give you is to find your very best friend (the person you would trust with your life) and tell them. This helps tremendously. This person will support you no matter what. For me, that alone has made a world of difference. :1 I pray that you will get the courage to come out, either to your parents, or your classmates, or even just your best friend.

  2. jordan says:

    Thank you for that, but you see, I don’t really have a best friend and the friend I’m closest to really wouldn’t understand. It’s hard to explain, but I honestly know she would act differently around me, she would try to ignore in the nicest way possible, which I think, would hurt the most.

  3. Anonymous says:

    That sucks. :/ Look, you just need to find somewhere, either here or some random site, or even just typing it out on Microsoft Word or something and deleting it when you’re done. You’ve got to find a way to release this tension. You can’t let it build up or it’ll ruin you. Trust me, if I didn’t have my best friend or this website, I probably would have killed myself. If you want to talk, at any time, feel free to email me: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" >[email protected]

    I look forward to an email, even if it’s nothing. 🙂

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