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Posted by on 2013/01/30 under Uncategorized

I hate my life..

Firstly, I changed schools in year 9 because i was being mass bullied, in my new school I didn’t make much friends even now I only have 2 friends. School depresses me, I hate going to school, I hate being there it just annoys me, and the studying that they want you to do and the work i need to do I hate it. I just want to escape from all this but I don’t know how. I’m sick of people in this world, they don’t understand the depression they cause in the world. I’m in Year 12 now and I have my hsc coming up and If I don’t do good in that my mother will rage and my life is miserable because it’s always been about what other people want.

Secondly, I hate how I look. I’m ugly, I have a big head a big nose and I’m not fit. I don’t do any more sports because i wasnt inspired anymore. Life bores me.

The only thing in life that makes me happy is watching tv shows and movies. It really makes me happy for some reason I enjoy it a lot. I’ve always wanted to be an actor or a singer but my voice is ugly and i sound like a tranny. My confidence is very low because I’ve been teased for 12 years in my life. The only thing I hope for in life is to be an actor and make tv shows or movies because i really love watching them. But obviously I’m too ugly for that and no one likes me. I’m sick and tired of being a loser and I just want a life that doesn’t include me saying I hate my life 50 times a day. I really can’t wait till my hsc is over and if i do go to uni when i finish i want to go to america. America really makes me happy, the american culture really excites me. Australia depresses me and in america i feel like more people will accept me. In America it’ll be a new start.

All I want is to make a living out of Acting or architecture, but I really want to be an actor. And I want to be famous. But currently because of the events in my life, I have no hope for this and i feel like my dreams are being crushed one by one. My dream of learning in an american school has been crushed, the only dream I have left is being an architect or an actor and being famous.

Why does life have to be so difficult for those who have done nothing wrong and are getting bullied for being ugly or not fitting in? I just dont get why so many people are willingly ignoring this. I really just want to die. I hate life. It sucks. It’s Boring. I’ve tried changing things. It hasn’t worked. I still want to die.

When I stop watching movies or tv shows and they end, I realise I’m still in the real world and I go back to thinking about how my life sucks. None of my friends care about my feelings. I’m always the one helping others out. When I watch tv shows it’s like they take me to another world where i feel extremely different. and when they’re over, I want more of them, because i want to stay happy. But unfortunately it’s on a weekly schedule. I’m sick of going to tutoring and driving lessons. I’m sick of life ugh. I just want to die already.

I’m sick of all the same advice that people give online like, boost your confidence by doing this etc etc. I want correct advice about whats really gonna happen and someone who can really help me out with my situation. PLEASE i beg you tell me i have something to live for. I don’t want to live in a world with such cruelty. If you combine all the things I said you will realise my life is actually miserable.

My brother in law comes to our house every day im sick of it. I’m always stuck in my room because i cant get along with anyone and i dont like talking to people. Teachers look at me like im some kind innocent student whos good to their parents and is perfect. while its the opposite and im actually sad and depressed and bored of life and my family doesnt even care about me.

My mother thinks she knows everything but she doesn’t. She always comments about something to make me angry. I just want to be a teenager. I’m 16 im not an adult. Its not time for me to grow up its time for me to be happy. but its not happening. I just have a dream that one day i will be an actor and entertain a poor miserable kid like me when he watches a tv show and hopefully it makes him/her happy. Thats all I want. Fame and being an actor. but i dont know how to get there. I have no guide or people I can trust.

So please tell me, do you believe I have something to live for? Do you know why movies and tv shows make me so happy? Can I survive a whole life like this, all miserable and depressed? Do I still have hope to establish my dreams? Is there a reason that I havent realised which changes everything about life that I would find considerable? PLEASE help me I beg you :(. Im just a lost soul in life and I dont know where im going. I just want someone to realise the pain im going through and help me out. I just want someone to realise the dreams I have and not force me to be like other kids. I just want someone to accept me for who I am and respect my choices.

One thought on “I hate my life

  1. Anonymous says:

    Of course you have something to live for. I care about you and while things might be hard right now… just remember that even on the darkest of nights the sun will still rise. Never loose hope and never look back. You have dreams. Make them a reality. I just want you to know that there are people out there. Things will be ok. You CAN get through all this misery and pain if you focus on the things that you love. Please, please never even think about hurting yourself. You are beautiful, and you have a reason to live. .xx

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