Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/22 under Uncategorized have you ever screwed up so bad that you just dont know if it just happen or is just a dream? because that just happen to me, i lie, im a compulsive lier, i dont know why i lie to the people who wants to help me, i suffer depression and social anxiety, ask something simple to a person,like is he can take me home or something drive me crazy, im usually sad, i dont why.. i have a great live, but i screwed up the s*** out of my life that i dont know who take everything that i did back, i need help of somebody, im so sad, i hate myself for lying for doing the things wrong, i got so depressed two years ago that i try to kill myself, i dont want to kill myself, i want to live i want to know what its up for me, i just f***ing suck at everything, everybody wants the best for me but i dont see it, i think that im stupid i can do nothing goood, i have no potential, why im alive? if there is a god why he keeps me alive why he dont kill me already, i know he is watching me right now and saying ”what f*** i did wrong whenm i creat that human” i know there is worst people than me, but this is my life and i feel so bad about it, iwant to take back everything, i want to take good choices, be good, study, be the bes… but everyu time i try i failand fail really really bad, my dad had a qorst life than me but he got his s*** together at my age, he sawe his best friend killing himself infront of him, he lived in the judgments of our whole family saying that he murder him, but he got his s*** together he is now a great men, but hte f*** happen to me why i got so bad, why the f*** i fail this hard? i know there is people that have been in this situation, i want you to feel identify with me and if you need help you can talk to me, i just f***ed upo so bad that i want to end my life because you know giving up its the easiest part, because you just shut one door, you know what is the hard part not giving up and open more doors… i want that i want to not give up to open doors to have a better future but i why i still doing the things wrong, writing help me i didnt knew that until now, im now on the 50th floor of my building attempting to throw myself down while im writing this.. guys dont give up please, dont do it…. i have been thinking for almost an hour now and im not going to jump i cant imn watching thios beautiful sunset and analizing my life you knwo you can do better but im still sad, im still depressed, i still want to end my life but i need to change, not more lies, not more i do wwat i want, just be me, i am just goping to be the good girl i am his is not a fake history, this is just my f***ed up mind
right now my mom hates me
right now my dad is disappointed
right now my family its disappointed because i faild at life
for them i have no future but for me i hope i have a better future…
thanks for reading this if you feeling the ame way as me please write me
twitter: isagonzalezm17
snapchat:isagonzalezm17
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and also i really tried to kill myself.
never suicide its not the way.
4 thoughts on “dying inside”
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im proud of you for not taking your life. we all have our issues. none of which are worst than another. we all deal with stuff our own way. i would suggest talking to someone. professional or not. just talking to some will help. let them know you lie compulsively, that it’s not your fault and that if you catch yourself in a lie, you will let them know whenever you can.
just a little hint.
with best of luck,
EyesOfChaos.
Life never was easy. Stay strong and live life to the fullest possible. Ah also be happy.
I know what that’s like, jumping from hopeless to hopeful to hopeless to hopeful again… all in the space of a few paragraphs.
I wish I had some answers for you. It does sound like you’re doing well though, admitting some of your problems and keeping faith that you can work for a better life.
Good luck!
P.S. I like the way you write! Obviously you weren’t focused on the style of writing, but I found it compelling nonetheless. Maybe writing is a skill you can use?
Just dream and try being more positive.